Michael Jackson
6 months ago
Monday, August 18, 2008
random thoughts of the day
17th august 4.30 pm
I feel so overwhelmed right now that I decided to pen it down (figuratively I mean) right away before it gets drained. I wanna dance again. Right now! I wanna lose myself into the music and dance away every ounce of passion that is coursing through my veins. I watched some really amazing performances and it’s just left me craving for more. I was glued to the television all day. Firstly thanks to the bachna ae haseeno interviews back to back on various channels...and secondly cuz of various dance shows which had a few flawless performances. The first one I fell in love was with Chaitanya’s performance of yoon shabnami...I never bothered much bout the song before but his performance had me mesmerized at every step and every facial expression. It was a smooth and beautiful performance. The next one was khuda jaane which was well choreographed but no chemistry between the couple; still, I liked it anyways. I loved the song from before and I feel Deepika Ranbir make a v. nice pair. My interest in the movie so much is thanks to a silly dream I had couple o days back, which had Ranbir in it and he was such a sweet caring character that I seem to like him whenever he appears on screen. And I hope this feeling doesn’t last long. Well actually there are quite a few feelings I hope don’t last for long :)
Ok as I pour these thoughts out there awaits another beautiful performance by Moni. I miss my salsa class days. At least I had some sort of an outlet every weekend. Hmmm I just watched her performance and it was brilliant! She had me in tears at the end. It was a contemporary dance and the theme was of the wife in ecstasy of a soldier on return to his family followed by the pain and anguish when he becomes a martyr. It was Very expressive and fluid like movements were really flawless. Aaah this is so not good for my soul right now. Hmmmm
Now it’s nearing midnight, listening to tum ho toh from rock on. Farhan is not that bad. It’s going to be a delight to watch him and my all time fav Arjun do some serious rocking numbers. Well not expecting much of acting from arjun, just a little feast for my tired eyes :-p hopefully bachna ae haseeno won’t disappoint me tomorrow.
I feel so overwhelmed right now that I decided to pen it down (figuratively I mean) right away before it gets drained. I wanna dance again. Right now! I wanna lose myself into the music and dance away every ounce of passion that is coursing through my veins. I watched some really amazing performances and it’s just left me craving for more. I was glued to the television all day. Firstly thanks to the bachna ae haseeno interviews back to back on various channels...and secondly cuz of various dance shows which had a few flawless performances. The first one I fell in love was with Chaitanya’s performance of yoon shabnami...I never bothered much bout the song before but his performance had me mesmerized at every step and every facial expression. It was a smooth and beautiful performance. The next one was khuda jaane which was well choreographed but no chemistry between the couple; still, I liked it anyways. I loved the song from before and I feel Deepika Ranbir make a v. nice pair. My interest in the movie so much is thanks to a silly dream I had couple o days back, which had Ranbir in it and he was such a sweet caring character that I seem to like him whenever he appears on screen. And I hope this feeling doesn’t last long. Well actually there are quite a few feelings I hope don’t last for long :)
Ok as I pour these thoughts out there awaits another beautiful performance by Moni. I miss my salsa class days. At least I had some sort of an outlet every weekend. Hmmm I just watched her performance and it was brilliant! She had me in tears at the end. It was a contemporary dance and the theme was of the wife in ecstasy of a soldier on return to his family followed by the pain and anguish when he becomes a martyr. It was Very expressive and fluid like movements were really flawless. Aaah this is so not good for my soul right now. Hmmmm
Now it’s nearing midnight, listening to tum ho toh from rock on. Farhan is not that bad. It’s going to be a delight to watch him and my all time fav Arjun do some serious rocking numbers. Well not expecting much of acting from arjun, just a little feast for my tired eyes :-p hopefully bachna ae haseeno won’t disappoint me tomorrow.
planning never works...be spontaneous! more fun that way.
16th aug story till noon
Everything happens for good. My friend (I’ll call her R for now) and I, were chatting on gtalk and she fed me back my words :) and they ring in my head right now though under a different context.
The BW plans had been made a long time back. It somehow just kept getting postponed or cancelled for various reasons. Btw BW here is a disc. I wouldn’t call myself a party gal but well I wanted to give that place a go, plus good company is always fun for me. The first time it got cancelled cuz R’s dad went down with fever. Unfortunate, but we dint give up hope. Planned another outing with a group of old friends and met up at LL. The one thing I hate bout such places is the smoke! There used to be a time when I’d advocate my feelings against booze, smoke n dope loud and clear. I would drill my friends with it till they would give up (give up the argument cuz one thing was clear...they would never give it up unless they made up their minds for themselves).
Coming back to the BW plans...bout 3-4 days back we made the plans. Got a family room booked, of course after calling up each and everyone making sure that they were game for it. R had even made the down payment of 500 bucks. So you can see where this is leading to with my ominous indications. Well, yes the plan got cancelled. And another friend backed out from staying in the booked room cuz she was planning to go back with her friends. S did not turn up at all which got R pissed off big time. But surprisingly both of us have been somehow calm. S calls me in the morning and I’m surprised to see the code. It dint leave me happy. She was apprehensive to call R so she chooses to call me up instead and informs she hasn’t left. And me being myself smile and tell oh its ok don’t worry I’ll let her know. Hmmm.
Then I give a call to R. She’s serenely calm bout it and it leaves me a little disturbed. Well serene isn’t a word used synonymously with her in the same sentence. :) We decide to go ahead with the plan anyways. So it’s down to 2 gals and 2 guys. Well so we thought! It was gonna turn out expensive as the numbers reduced. Personally I was a little wary with the odds. In this case I’ll call it the evens cuz the four of us in a room dint sit well with me, call me a old fashioned or orthodox or whatever. But before I get into that I had my own “other” troubles so to speak. To begin with ma was suddenly uptight bout me going to the disc. Ok she’s cool most of the times and I don’t lie to her. She had given the ok signal the first time we had planned. Now of all times yesterday she chooses to voice her opinion which is not acceptable by me at all! I’m not the fussy types, so it’s not like I’ll throw a tantrum if she says no. I would have respected her decision if she had said so in the first place. For me, my word is important. And backing out was not an option at all. Call me stubborn or irrational or rude but I had made up my mind to go no matter what.
I was dreading though, that it won’t be easy, me trying to convince her and then finally without any option having to have my foot put down. But I was saved from going through all that. Oh well that happened cuz the 4th fren dropped out. And we finally decided to split the losses. R said she’s gonna make S pay for the loss.
Well that was the story till the time she hadn’t yet reached my place. After she does there is still some confusion (in my head) and hope (in R’s head) that we might still be going if the fourth friend decides to come. And I was not in a position to say anything. I just dint know how to handle it cuz I dint wanna start thinking again on the mom front or what is gonna happen if we actually go. And we’d have to split the entry fee for guys which would have been ok if the number of people were a ‘little’ greater than 4! Plus I don’t drink and house music or trance and stuff isn’t actually my kinda music but I guess it would have been fun if I was with the bunch of friends. The last time in disc was in goa-mambos. Nice place and stuff but again smoky areas...nay! It’s all bout who has shopped what for the night out, how “in” the outfit is, what kinda crowd you hang out with and how much you can get sloshed and still manage to shake a leg or head.
Ok getting back to the relevant topic right now, I was not exactly in a dilemma, but I just said a silent prayer, You know what’s best, Your Will be done. Its so much similar to what my other ajja would always say (other, cuz when I say ajja its always my maternal side I refer to). Oh and I just remembered I again had another dream bout him and it was so real. He was so life like and it was so much happiness in those very few moments. I woke up disoriented not sure whether it was a dream or a reality. But well reality kicked in soon enough to be followed by feeling of loss. It is so true...people you care for most are taken from you too soon and all the less important & unwanted ones just never go away!
Hmmm I definitely need lessons how to concentrate and focus at the topic in hand. Well that was that, we dropped the plan and finally responded to the recurrent phone calls to cancel the booking. Had to take a stern stand in the situation and I’m proud to say I managed to handle him pretty well cuz he was throwing some nonsensical tantrum. Then R and I went out for dinner and pampered ourselves to our hearts fill, making up for what-could-have-been :) I did stop by to talk to an old friend, maybe I’ll write bout that ‘friend’ someday. Well my first specimen after all.
We spent the night watching funny/scary you tube videos and talking bout past and the present. Remembering times when we laughed so hard and just couldn’t stop for a long time...hmmm it was a day that ended well. When I voiced my opinion bout how things never work out if moms are against it, she just kept on nodding vigorously in agreement. Well we’d have made the same decisions if we were moms so cant blame them either :) Ah that’s all. I’ve written enough in a day..!
Everything happens for good. My friend (I’ll call her R for now) and I, were chatting on gtalk and she fed me back my words :) and they ring in my head right now though under a different context.
The BW plans had been made a long time back. It somehow just kept getting postponed or cancelled for various reasons. Btw BW here is a disc. I wouldn’t call myself a party gal but well I wanted to give that place a go, plus good company is always fun for me. The first time it got cancelled cuz R’s dad went down with fever. Unfortunate, but we dint give up hope. Planned another outing with a group of old friends and met up at LL. The one thing I hate bout such places is the smoke! There used to be a time when I’d advocate my feelings against booze, smoke n dope loud and clear. I would drill my friends with it till they would give up (give up the argument cuz one thing was clear...they would never give it up unless they made up their minds for themselves).
Coming back to the BW plans...bout 3-4 days back we made the plans. Got a family room booked, of course after calling up each and everyone making sure that they were game for it. R had even made the down payment of 500 bucks. So you can see where this is leading to with my ominous indications. Well, yes the plan got cancelled. And another friend backed out from staying in the booked room cuz she was planning to go back with her friends. S did not turn up at all which got R pissed off big time. But surprisingly both of us have been somehow calm. S calls me in the morning and I’m surprised to see the code. It dint leave me happy. She was apprehensive to call R so she chooses to call me up instead and informs she hasn’t left. And me being myself smile and tell oh its ok don’t worry I’ll let her know. Hmmm.
Then I give a call to R. She’s serenely calm bout it and it leaves me a little disturbed. Well serene isn’t a word used synonymously with her in the same sentence. :) We decide to go ahead with the plan anyways. So it’s down to 2 gals and 2 guys. Well so we thought! It was gonna turn out expensive as the numbers reduced. Personally I was a little wary with the odds. In this case I’ll call it the evens cuz the four of us in a room dint sit well with me, call me a old fashioned or orthodox or whatever. But before I get into that I had my own “other” troubles so to speak. To begin with ma was suddenly uptight bout me going to the disc. Ok she’s cool most of the times and I don’t lie to her. She had given the ok signal the first time we had planned. Now of all times yesterday she chooses to voice her opinion which is not acceptable by me at all! I’m not the fussy types, so it’s not like I’ll throw a tantrum if she says no. I would have respected her decision if she had said so in the first place. For me, my word is important. And backing out was not an option at all. Call me stubborn or irrational or rude but I had made up my mind to go no matter what.
I was dreading though, that it won’t be easy, me trying to convince her and then finally without any option having to have my foot put down. But I was saved from going through all that. Oh well that happened cuz the 4th fren dropped out. And we finally decided to split the losses. R said she’s gonna make S pay for the loss.
Well that was the story till the time she hadn’t yet reached my place. After she does there is still some confusion (in my head) and hope (in R’s head) that we might still be going if the fourth friend decides to come. And I was not in a position to say anything. I just dint know how to handle it cuz I dint wanna start thinking again on the mom front or what is gonna happen if we actually go. And we’d have to split the entry fee for guys which would have been ok if the number of people were a ‘little’ greater than 4! Plus I don’t drink and house music or trance and stuff isn’t actually my kinda music but I guess it would have been fun if I was with the bunch of friends. The last time in disc was in goa-mambos. Nice place and stuff but again smoky areas...nay! It’s all bout who has shopped what for the night out, how “in” the outfit is, what kinda crowd you hang out with and how much you can get sloshed and still manage to shake a leg or head.
Ok getting back to the relevant topic right now, I was not exactly in a dilemma, but I just said a silent prayer, You know what’s best, Your Will be done. Its so much similar to what my other ajja would always say (other, cuz when I say ajja its always my maternal side I refer to). Oh and I just remembered I again had another dream bout him and it was so real. He was so life like and it was so much happiness in those very few moments. I woke up disoriented not sure whether it was a dream or a reality. But well reality kicked in soon enough to be followed by feeling of loss. It is so true...people you care for most are taken from you too soon and all the less important & unwanted ones just never go away!
Hmmm I definitely need lessons how to concentrate and focus at the topic in hand. Well that was that, we dropped the plan and finally responded to the recurrent phone calls to cancel the booking. Had to take a stern stand in the situation and I’m proud to say I managed to handle him pretty well cuz he was throwing some nonsensical tantrum. Then R and I went out for dinner and pampered ourselves to our hearts fill, making up for what-could-have-been :) I did stop by to talk to an old friend, maybe I’ll write bout that ‘friend’ someday. Well my first specimen after all.
We spent the night watching funny/scary you tube videos and talking bout past and the present. Remembering times when we laughed so hard and just couldn’t stop for a long time...hmmm it was a day that ended well. When I voiced my opinion bout how things never work out if moms are against it, she just kept on nodding vigorously in agreement. Well we’d have made the same decisions if we were moms so cant blame them either :) Ah that’s all. I’ve written enough in a day..!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
is it just me o wat?
Is it me? Or am I always in the wrong place? I keep asking that to myself. My friends have asked me too...innumerable times, if it’s just me who seems to notice and attract weirdoes. I’m like a weirdo magnet. I find one no matter where I go. Sometimes its funny but most of the times they leave my nerves jangling.
Locations: mostly on buses.
I have been traveling by myself from quite a young age. At first it was the wonderful thrill of independence. But then as I grew up it made me wary and suspicious all the time. Not to the extent of paranoia thankfully cuz there have been handful good companions. My first such experience was while traveling to shim; I could feel someone’s hand darting from beneath. And all I could muster up back then was a glare. Then I met so many on different journeys. Trying to grope, trying to take a peek (and then pretend to admire the view outside), then the infamous feet play (I can’t fathom what kinda turn-on that is supposed to be when you don’t even know who it is), then there’s the folded hands position which 90% of them seem to favor, gosh what not... some of them I experienced on my daily travels to college. Now I’m an average looking gal so imagine what bout the better looking ones. And every time it happens I’ll be like-ok do that one more time and you’re dead meat. But I never got around doing something in my cases which is really disappointing. But I did get a groper thrown outta the bus. The worst part was the girl being groped was unaware. It was a very crowded bus but then again he had it coming that day!
What made me put up this blog was the weirdo I met yesterday...first he seems fine, then starts inching closer (despite it being a three seater with me on the window side-nowhere to go) for no reason at all. It’s just the two of us on the bloody 3 seater. I try to remain impervious to him and listen to music (I can control my reading addiction at times :)).
Then two stops before mine he sits happily next to me as the third seat gets occupied. And I talk to myself-“dude u better keep your hands where I can watch them or else it won’t be long before my elbow contacts your sad teeth!! ” ah how I like to be macho in my head...sweet! Hmmm :) luckily he dint try anything so all was fine. But then the funny thing happens. I get down. He gets down. I cross the road. He crosses the road. Then as I wait for the bus he waits too and then he catches the bus which goes back the way we had just come. Ok now there might be a reasonable explanation of course...he might have forgotten something or he might have realized he took the wrong bus or whatever but THAT was weird for me.
And let me not even get into the topic of different types of men I’ve come across... that’ll be a long tale to type. Some other time :)
Locations: mostly on buses.
I have been traveling by myself from quite a young age. At first it was the wonderful thrill of independence. But then as I grew up it made me wary and suspicious all the time. Not to the extent of paranoia thankfully cuz there have been handful good companions. My first such experience was while traveling to shim; I could feel someone’s hand darting from beneath. And all I could muster up back then was a glare. Then I met so many on different journeys. Trying to grope, trying to take a peek (and then pretend to admire the view outside), then the infamous feet play (I can’t fathom what kinda turn-on that is supposed to be when you don’t even know who it is), then there’s the folded hands position which 90% of them seem to favor, gosh what not... some of them I experienced on my daily travels to college. Now I’m an average looking gal so imagine what bout the better looking ones. And every time it happens I’ll be like-ok do that one more time and you’re dead meat. But I never got around doing something in my cases which is really disappointing. But I did get a groper thrown outta the bus. The worst part was the girl being groped was unaware. It was a very crowded bus but then again he had it coming that day!
What made me put up this blog was the weirdo I met yesterday...first he seems fine, then starts inching closer (despite it being a three seater with me on the window side-nowhere to go) for no reason at all. It’s just the two of us on the bloody 3 seater. I try to remain impervious to him and listen to music (I can control my reading addiction at times :)).
Then two stops before mine he sits happily next to me as the third seat gets occupied. And I talk to myself-“dude u better keep your hands where I can watch them or else it won’t be long before my elbow contacts your sad teeth!! ” ah how I like to be macho in my head...sweet! Hmmm :) luckily he dint try anything so all was fine. But then the funny thing happens. I get down. He gets down. I cross the road. He crosses the road. Then as I wait for the bus he waits too and then he catches the bus which goes back the way we had just come. Ok now there might be a reasonable explanation of course...he might have forgotten something or he might have realized he took the wrong bus or whatever but THAT was weird for me.
And let me not even get into the topic of different types of men I’ve come across... that’ll be a long tale to type. Some other time :)
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Nostalgia...
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect! ~Owens Lee Pomeroy
Today was a day of mixed emotions. I woke with the hurry to get things rolling. In some time I realized I had dreamed bout ajja and it made me smile because it was a happy dream. It’s been long since his last such visit. I miss him so much but I never tell it out loud. Ma mentions bout him at times watching me closely and I’m just like a closed book. All I say is “hmmm...yea...” like I could care less. But the truth is I do. Sometimes I fear they’ll never know... its so easy when I advice my friends to express themselves...be it family, their friends or their love lives but I just shut myself away from the world.
OK that wasn’t the main highlight of the blog...gosh I need to learn to focus!! Hmmm today I had to visit my college to meet my project guide and discuss bout getting a journal published. Like always I carried a novel with me. Last time when I had traveled to m’lore the lady beside me chattered away (turns out she’s an amchi and then it was nonstop :)) bout how it can affect the eyes, reading in a moving vehicle etc...Then as usual the talk bout studies and suitable grooms and shit...anyways, getting back to today...here I was being a stubborn mule all over again... well maybe it wasn’t stubbornness but just my addiction. Anyways dint give it much thought. As I got down the bus to catch the next connecting one it started pouring and I wondered “why does it always rain on me...?” and it’s not the first time this has happened. It will be sunny all the while, and just when I set my foot down it pours like cats and dogs. And that’s not the worst, what really gets to me is watching my bus drive off right in front of me. But today it was after a long time that I set foot out of my chaar deewari so I just watched everyone go about their daily routine.
The next bus comes after my ten minute wait and it hits me like a strong wave. What is the “it”? I’ll get there in a sec. I see the conductor and we share a smile of recognition. I get lucky enough to find a seat. I see another familiar face-the liftman of my college building. He’s another amchi and sometimes seen working at the joint where we have breakfast. He has a smiling face. And I don’t mean he smiles all the time...I guess he does but the thing is even when he talks he just can’t wipe it off his face. I wonder sometimes how he would look if he’d have to be angry or mean...hmmm. And this time I don’t open my novel. Just watch the roads, its curves, bumps and the scenery around. I watch our lunch joint and smile.
I get down at the stop and cross the road. I watch around like an animal just let out of its cage free to explore. But I wasn’t exploring the freedom; I was exploring the feel of being back where everything had become such a routine for 4 long years. And here I am almost a month n odd days later (I had to actually think over the time interval cuz I’d totally lost track of time) back where I had once belonged. I watched around the buildings, the trees and garden, the students walking around, some familiar faces here and there; drinking in every bit of what I saw in quick gulps. As I took the stairs to my dept floor the walls started closing in on me and when I saw H.o.d. a few lecturers and my friend I was almost in tears overcome by the strong wave-of nostalgia. I took a deep breath before I could speak a coherent sentence.
They had just finished the valedictory function of their one week course and were having refreshments. H.o.d. insisted for me to join and it felt like homecoming to me. Chatted with ma’ams and then discussed n referred journals. Also spoke bout few companies. Asked h.o.d n another Prof. for recommendation letters. Collected the year book and headed back home. Lunch was burger then had a ball of time going through the year book- Funny photos and one liners; Funny articles and serious poems; beautiful sketches and there I was being drawn back into the web of the past.
It hasn’t been a perfect journey. There have been some downfalls and some stupid mistakes. There have been some grave ones too. But I don’t regret any of them. I enjoyed the moments as long as they lasted. Each one has been an experience for the future that waits ahead. If I had to go back I don’t think I’d change anything one bit cuz today I am who I am because of what I’ve seen and lived through.
I do find the present tense, the past was good but not perfect, but tomorrow holds in infinite surprises which I can’t wait to explore :)
Today was a day of mixed emotions. I woke with the hurry to get things rolling. In some time I realized I had dreamed bout ajja and it made me smile because it was a happy dream. It’s been long since his last such visit. I miss him so much but I never tell it out loud. Ma mentions bout him at times watching me closely and I’m just like a closed book. All I say is “hmmm...yea...” like I could care less. But the truth is I do. Sometimes I fear they’ll never know... its so easy when I advice my friends to express themselves...be it family, their friends or their love lives but I just shut myself away from the world.
OK that wasn’t the main highlight of the blog...gosh I need to learn to focus!! Hmmm today I had to visit my college to meet my project guide and discuss bout getting a journal published. Like always I carried a novel with me. Last time when I had traveled to m’lore the lady beside me chattered away (turns out she’s an amchi and then it was nonstop :)) bout how it can affect the eyes, reading in a moving vehicle etc...Then as usual the talk bout studies and suitable grooms and shit...anyways, getting back to today...here I was being a stubborn mule all over again... well maybe it wasn’t stubbornness but just my addiction. Anyways dint give it much thought. As I got down the bus to catch the next connecting one it started pouring and I wondered “why does it always rain on me...?” and it’s not the first time this has happened. It will be sunny all the while, and just when I set my foot down it pours like cats and dogs. And that’s not the worst, what really gets to me is watching my bus drive off right in front of me. But today it was after a long time that I set foot out of my chaar deewari so I just watched everyone go about their daily routine.
The next bus comes after my ten minute wait and it hits me like a strong wave. What is the “it”? I’ll get there in a sec. I see the conductor and we share a smile of recognition. I get lucky enough to find a seat. I see another familiar face-the liftman of my college building. He’s another amchi and sometimes seen working at the joint where we have breakfast. He has a smiling face. And I don’t mean he smiles all the time...I guess he does but the thing is even when he talks he just can’t wipe it off his face. I wonder sometimes how he would look if he’d have to be angry or mean...hmmm. And this time I don’t open my novel. Just watch the roads, its curves, bumps and the scenery around. I watch our lunch joint and smile.
I get down at the stop and cross the road. I watch around like an animal just let out of its cage free to explore. But I wasn’t exploring the freedom; I was exploring the feel of being back where everything had become such a routine for 4 long years. And here I am almost a month n odd days later (I had to actually think over the time interval cuz I’d totally lost track of time) back where I had once belonged. I watched around the buildings, the trees and garden, the students walking around, some familiar faces here and there; drinking in every bit of what I saw in quick gulps. As I took the stairs to my dept floor the walls started closing in on me and when I saw H.o.d. a few lecturers and my friend I was almost in tears overcome by the strong wave-of nostalgia. I took a deep breath before I could speak a coherent sentence.
They had just finished the valedictory function of their one week course and were having refreshments. H.o.d. insisted for me to join and it felt like homecoming to me. Chatted with ma’ams and then discussed n referred journals. Also spoke bout few companies. Asked h.o.d n another Prof. for recommendation letters. Collected the year book and headed back home. Lunch was burger then had a ball of time going through the year book- Funny photos and one liners; Funny articles and serious poems; beautiful sketches and there I was being drawn back into the web of the past.
It hasn’t been a perfect journey. There have been some downfalls and some stupid mistakes. There have been some grave ones too. But I don’t regret any of them. I enjoyed the moments as long as they lasted. Each one has been an experience for the future that waits ahead. If I had to go back I don’t think I’d change anything one bit cuz today I am who I am because of what I’ve seen and lived through.
I do find the present tense, the past was good but not perfect, but tomorrow holds in infinite surprises which I can’t wait to explore :)
Thursday, August 7, 2008
My wish list...
Ummm this was ready for post couple o days back but I was too engrossed in dA or with the novels so... here comes my little wish list... :)
Someday...
I would like...
...to be in a cottage surrounded by greenery n water bodies and listening to ghazals (present mood).
...to sit on the swing on the porch with a kitty on my lap and watch the rain.
...to have variety of candles.
...a shelf filled with my favorite authors.
...to own a collection of my favorite movies.
...to travel and capture the beauty around me.
...to collect souvenirs wherever I go.
...to learn to swim and go scuba diving.
...to sleep without a single anxious thought.
...to learn to drive an SUV.
...to own a telescope and spend some nights star gazing.
...to adopt a baby girl if I remain a spinster :)
...to learn to use a firearm.
...to be wooed.
...to dance in the rain without inhibitions.
...to be pleasantly surprised.
...to go on a shopping spree.
...to pack a hard punch.
...to design my home.
...to be able to say a firm “no”
...to visit The Louvre museum
...to get over my phobia of creepy crawlies.
...to love and be loved exclusively and truly.
...to go bungee jumping.
...to shake a leg with shiamak dawar.
...to go horse riding.
...someone to play a song on the guitar for me.(Done! :))
...to start writing letters again instead of using the email!
...to build a snowman.
...to make my ma proud of me.
...to be happy and contented wherever life lands me.
And of course there’s world peace and mother Theresa’s footsteps to walk into but I guess I’ll leave it to the beauty pageant gals.., muah muah... ;)
Someday...
I would like...
...to be in a cottage surrounded by greenery n water bodies and listening to ghazals (present mood).
...to sit on the swing on the porch with a kitty on my lap and watch the rain.
...to have variety of candles.
...a shelf filled with my favorite authors.
...to own a collection of my favorite movies.
...to travel and capture the beauty around me.
...to collect souvenirs wherever I go.
...to learn to swim and go scuba diving.
...to sleep without a single anxious thought.
...to learn to drive an SUV.
...to own a telescope and spend some nights star gazing.
...to adopt a baby girl if I remain a spinster :)
...to learn to use a firearm.
...to be wooed.
...to dance in the rain without inhibitions.
...to be pleasantly surprised.
...to go on a shopping spree.
...to pack a hard punch.
...to design my home.
...to be able to say a firm “no”
...to visit The Louvre museum
...to get over my phobia of creepy crawlies.
...to love and be loved exclusively and truly.
...to go bungee jumping.
...to shake a leg with shiamak dawar.
...to go horse riding.
..
...to start writing letters again instead of using the email!
...to build a snowman.
...to make my ma proud of me.
...to be happy and contented wherever life lands me.
And of course there’s world peace and mother Theresa’s footsteps to walk into but I guess I’ll leave it to the beauty pageant gals.., muah muah... ;)
i've learned....
I came across this in one o my diaries and wanted to put it out in my blog. I had written it probably from some email or a poster, can’t recall which one but I definitely can say that yes I have learned...
Smile is an inexpensive way to improve looks.
That when you are in love, it shows.
That just one person saying “you’ve made my day!” makes my day.
That having a child sleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
That being kind is more important than being right.
That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help them in some other way.
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
That money doesn’t buy class.
That it’s those daily small happenings that make life spectacular.
That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
That Lord hasn’t done it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
That to ignore facts doesn’t change them.
That when you plan to get even with someone you are only letting that person to continue to hurt you.
That love, not time, heals all wounds.
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
That life is tough, but I’m tougher.
That opportunities are never lost. Sooner or later someone will take the ones you missed.
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
That one should keep his words both soft and tender because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
That I can’t choose how I feel. But I can choose what I do about it.
That everyone wants to live on the top of a mountain, but all happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I manage to get done.
That it’s best to give advice under two circumstances
-when requested
-life threatening situations
Well I’m still kinda working on the last one. Old habits die hard... :)
Apart from them I’ve also learnt few other things like...
Love your enemies, it really pisses them off (this one’s my fav :))
Money doesn’t buy happiness.
Always have faith.
Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.
Men are faithful for so long only as temptations pass them by.
Life is not fair but its fun.
When you say “sorry” or “thank you” the person you say this to deserves to be looked in the eye.
I have a rebel in me. When I’m told to do something I run in the opposite direction.
Criticism expresses greater respect than praise. It is surely more of an honor than flattery.
Flattery is the food for fools.
Never give people the choices you don’t want them to take.
If your mind isn’t open. Keep your mouth shut too.
If you tell the truth, you don’t need a long memory. (Another fav)
Sometimes you have got to be strong not for yourself but for the others around you.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter is not really a nice person.
There is no happily-ever-after.
When you know you are right, fight back with every ounce of strength to set the wrong to right.
Hatred is just a waste of one’s energy. Not worth it.
What goes around comes around.
It doesn’t take strength to hang on. It takes strength to let go.
Listening is important.
Everything happens for a good reason.
Its so true...if the net wasn’t down I don’t think I’d have spared this noon to gather it all up today. :)
Smile is an inexpensive way to improve looks.
That when you are in love, it shows.
That just one person saying “you’ve made my day!” makes my day.
That having a child sleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
That being kind is more important than being right.
That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help them in some other way.
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
That money doesn’t buy class.
That it’s those daily small happenings that make life spectacular.
That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
That Lord hasn’t done it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
That to ignore facts doesn’t change them.
That when you plan to get even with someone you are only letting that person to continue to hurt you.
That love, not time, heals all wounds.
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
That life is tough, but I’m tougher.
That opportunities are never lost. Sooner or later someone will take the ones you missed.
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
That one should keep his words both soft and tender because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
That I can’t choose how I feel. But I can choose what I do about it.
That everyone wants to live on the top of a mountain, but all happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I manage to get done.
That it’s best to give advice under two circumstances
-when requested
-life threatening situations
Well I’m still kinda working on the last one. Old habits die hard... :)
Apart from them I’ve also learnt few other things like...
Love your enemies, it really pisses them off (this one’s my fav :))
Money doesn’t buy happiness.
Always have faith.
Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.
Men are faithful for so long only as temptations pass them by.
Life is not fair but its fun.
When you say “sorry” or “thank you” the person you say this to deserves to be looked in the eye.
I have a rebel in me. When I’m told to do something I run in the opposite direction.
Criticism expresses greater respect than praise. It is surely more of an honor than flattery.
Flattery is the food for fools.
Never give people the choices you don’t want them to take.
If your mind isn’t open. Keep your mouth shut too.
If you tell the truth, you don’t need a long memory. (Another fav)
Sometimes you have got to be strong not for yourself but for the others around you.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter is not really a nice person.
There is no happily-ever-after.
When you know you are right, fight back with every ounce of strength to set the wrong to right.
Hatred is just a waste of one’s energy. Not worth it.
What goes around comes around.
It doesn’t take strength to hang on. It takes strength to let go.
Listening is important.
Everything happens for a good reason.
Its so true...if the net wasn’t down I don’t think I’d have spared this noon to gather it all up today. :)
A peek into my old scraps
Life plays a number of tricks with you,
Opponents many, chances are few.
Love comes your way, and then you don’t get to live like you do.
It’s like slow poison, giving you a thousand deaths before the grand finale
But betwixt them, lie numerous bittersweet moments,
Which you wanna cherish not just in this life but all lives through.
No matter how much pain,
How much sorrow there be..,
You just end up craving for more.
Ironic but true, we always love the one who hurts us.
Not because of what they are,
But in spite of what they are.
That’s why love is said to be a “choice” and not a “chance”.
It doesn’t make the world go round,
But sure as hell makes the ride worthwhile.
Opponents many, chances are few.
Love comes your way, and then you don’t get to live like you do.
It’s like slow poison, giving you a thousand deaths before the grand finale
But betwixt them, lie numerous bittersweet moments,
Which you wanna cherish not just in this life but all lives through.
No matter how much pain,
How much sorrow there be..,
You just end up craving for more.
Ironic but true, we always love the one who hurts us.
Not because of what they are,
But in spite of what they are.
That’s why love is said to be a “choice” and not a “chance”.
It doesn’t make the world go round,
But sure as hell makes the ride worthwhile.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Overkill
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination
CHORUS
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night
>From overkill
CHORUS
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situation
I know will be alright
It's just overkill
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination
CHORUS
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night
>From overkill
CHORUS
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situation
I know will be alright
It's just overkill
what is "it" ?
It’s been awhile. It has been calm. Is it the calm before the storm? I do not know the answer. It has been calm but devoid of peace. It has been filled with erratic thoughts, snappy moments, pretentious expressions and feigned delight. Hiding behind the smile and putting up a brave front, chin up and a false confidence, running head on to face it. Walking on tiptoes, ears sharp as a cat, listening to the sounds of the world outside mine. A faint rustle, a deep sigh, strange mutterings...or was it the nightmare that has come to life. They say there is a new dawn breaking the night, but what if the day holds worse nightmares, what if this new dawn gives sleepless nights? What if hope dies?
Who do you turn to if you have built a fortress around you? An empty fortress; meant for you and your thoughts, for you and your pain, for you and your prayers. The fortress shrinks as the thoughts, pain and prayers increase, filling it beyond its threshold. Who do you turn to then? Do you wonder if HE listens to you? Is HE is just testing your endurance? Or is HE jesting at the situation HE has served you on your fate’s platter? Despite all these unanswered questions, HE is the only hope. And HE is immortal!
It does not let you a glimpse into tomorrow. It is supposed to be filled with surprises. Will I like them? Only time will tell. But the dread, the fear, the uncertainty and the past leave me edgy. I wonder sometimes...is it worth all this? How long does a storm last? What if you are being sucked into the whirlwind and finally spat out to lie helpless and shattered. Where is the hand you seek? Where is the hug you crave? Where is the love you deserve? Where is the ear to listen to your deepest sorrows and fears? Where is the friend who understands your unspoken words? Who has the answers to my questions?
“It” is indeed a question unanswered. I do not pray to make my troubles be gone. I pray to seek strength to endure them.
Who do you turn to if you have built a fortress around you? An empty fortress; meant for you and your thoughts, for you and your pain, for you and your prayers. The fortress shrinks as the thoughts, pain and prayers increase, filling it beyond its threshold. Who do you turn to then? Do you wonder if HE listens to you? Is HE is just testing your endurance? Or is HE jesting at the situation HE has served you on your fate’s platter? Despite all these unanswered questions, HE is the only hope. And HE is immortal!
It does not let you a glimpse into tomorrow. It is supposed to be filled with surprises. Will I like them? Only time will tell. But the dread, the fear, the uncertainty and the past leave me edgy. I wonder sometimes...is it worth all this? How long does a storm last? What if you are being sucked into the whirlwind and finally spat out to lie helpless and shattered. Where is the hand you seek? Where is the hug you crave? Where is the love you deserve? Where is the ear to listen to your deepest sorrows and fears? Where is the friend who understands your unspoken words? Who has the answers to my questions?
“It” is indeed a question unanswered. I do not pray to make my troubles be gone. I pray to seek strength to endure them.
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