Random

Hi there stranger, I know its been a long time. Life is passing by and time seems to fly. So many passing thoughts as usual getting lost in the swirl of this fast paced world. With time comes growth, with growth comes responsibilities and dependencies.


If you are not a part of the celebration its all plain noise... sigh.. and you use music to drown it out. Non stop music ... good.. Ok enough of random thoughts here. I digress as usual.


Hmm I was reading Khalil's teachings and I think I have blogged about this before too but nevertheless here it is again. Life will be better if one can adapt to this.

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”
― Khalil Gibran, The Prophet


Long forgotten songs are being heard again...feeels good :)


Other day I was reading my 12th grade diary..I think it was 11th .. anyways made me want to start writing again. I would pour out every single thought in it, happiness , pain, incidents what not... So naive of me. But it was good. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time. So much life has passed by me, so much learnt. so many people met and lost. Some good some bad experiences. And I will move on without having left a mark behind. I hope not. 


Thats it for now. Maybe will talk some more later.

Love is...

being at peace in bed in the arms of your loved one.

...

If not me, then who?
If not now, then when?
If not here, then where will peace begin?

I am where peace begins.
Oh, it’s me, that’s who
And it’s now, that’s when

And it’s here, that’s where peace begins
I am where peace begins.

Dream

When I wake up in the morning time
I like to see you sleeping by my side
I think about the nights we had before
Wanna give you this and more
Let you know I truly adore you

Being with you, loving you this way is so sweet
The way you kiss me, you're making my knees go weak
We could be forever happy, through rain or whatever
Never gonna take the fantasy away from you

I need to be everything you see in your dreams
It seems to me you'll never find another lover good as I, to give you all that you need
And I'll be there to love you each and every night and all through the day

There was a time that I didn't have you around
Back in them days my heart never made a sound
Now it's beating like my head's in the clouds
Never doubt that I'ma always be down to hang around you

You're making me feel so good inside
The way I feel when you love me makes me wanna cry
All these truffle of the things you do, make my love dream come true
Moving me to tell you that I love you

I need to be everything you see in your dreams
It seems to me you'll never find another lover good as I, to give you all that you need
And I'll be there to love you each and every night and all through the day

Quote 'em

When I was a kid, back in school, we used to pass around slam books/autograph books, whatever you would call them; anyways there would be this question “What would you like to be when you grow up?” I used to answer –“happy and contented”. And today I read this quote on FB

“When I went to school they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy.' They told me I didn't understand the assignment, I told them them they didn't understand life." - John Lennon

And I didn’t even know who John Lennon was back then. :D Well I wanted to portray being intellectual, I still think I can be at times. ;) It was actually a pretty easy answer as I didn’t know what I wanted to be. I was tired of changing professions in my head year after year. I also remember another one that I would quote “Love is…everything” It was and still is as simple as that. Just felt like writing something. So this is it.

Learn

Learn to enjoy the little things in life. You might have had a bad day, but the day is not over until you say so. Enjoy the music, the clouds, the crowded bus and a cloudy sky to look up to. A loved ones call, a cheerful home to return to and peaceful cup of tea.

Eat! or not...

Something that suddenly passed through my mind: I cannot eat anything with a face. Somehow seems cruel. Yes I am a non-vegetarian. I eat chicken and fish. I like my meat disguised. Call me a hypocrite cause I eat but can not cook. Such are my limitations.

Love, Laughter and you :)

All that i'm after is a life full of laughter 

As long as i'm laughing with you 

I'm thinking that all that still matters is love ever after 

After the life we've been through 

'cause i know there's no life after you

FML

It's Mom's 50th birthday tomorrow and I can't make it. I wish I had lied or made an excuse or told the truth and left tonight. But I couldn't so here I am. Never thought I'd say this but FML!

Voices

There are voices in my head and they don't let me sleep. There are voices that give me company, there are voices that haunt me. There are voices that want to come here and be written. And somehow I evade.

Many fleeting thoughts that I would have liked to write but somehow never got around.

Like the rainy Saturday eve. It was beautiful. Bangalore in the rains is messy but beautiful. Riding with Mallya in the drizzle was fun and serene. I was tempted to ask her for stay over but felt it would be lame. I hate staying alone. I am not afraid. Or maybe I am, I am afraid of loneliness.

There has been a lot of room-mate-bonding lately. Feels good. Especially now that we are all on a fitness regime. I always thought I'd never need to go Jogging/work out. But lately I got a lot of ill comments regarding my waistline which had me thinking. The best one was "Muffin Top" coming from my best friend, and I know she means well so I don't take it too personal. All said and done, now its time to make a point.

I also wanted to write about how life is a blessing. Maybe some other time.

I also went a little over the top and got a new haircut & color. I do that sometimes to cheer-me-up. Retail therapy is not my thing. I am more of a pamper me girl when down.

don't you wish sometimes you could just Ctrl Z few things. Not say some, keep in check others, let go some and withhold rest. Its truly said you live life one disaster at a time. This is just a pessimistic phase and I am sure I'll get through. I always do.

Sometimes its tough to believe what you hear. Sometimes trust gives away. Sometimes you can see through the lies and still you go on as though it never happened. I know when people lie to me, I know when they pretend. I know when to see the truth in their eyes. Now is that a blessing or a curse? I guess knowing is always better. why live in false hope.

What is it about girls and -  silk and colorful things, about ornaments and sarees, about diamonds and make-up. Its all fascinating, that is all. Recently I had been on a shopping spree for a dear friend who is from my client company. She is smart and witty, charming as hell and quirky. I found a lot of colorful, bright, pretty stuff. I don't think given a chance I would get it for myself. Its too much frivolity. But maybe I should indulge once in a while. They were pretty.

Having good relationships in life is very important. You always should have some people you can go to.

Loving oneself is also v.important. You are who you are and you should love yourself for that. Learn new things, adapt to good, let go the negative, take care of your body and respect it. Do not abuse it. You are lucky to have what you have.

You should learn from your mistakes, not repeat them. doing it over and over and saying sorry makes it a sham. I had written in my diary, one of the first few lines. Sorry loses its value if you keep chanting it. Well something along those lines. But old habits die hard and we end up repeating it. You are responsible for your life, for your actions and words. Always remember not to make someone else's life miserable by your words or deeds.

Sometimes life seems so futile and meaningless when you know you aren't contributing much for the good. There is so much we can do yet we crib and try to make our lives better. Its never good enough. The more we get the more we want. The thirst is never quenched. The hunger is never satisfied.

It pleased me to see a Harvard graduate running a courier service in Mumbai with deaf and dumb employees only.

A lot more on my mind, but lack of sleep from last night is giving me a headache. Time to take a break from you sweetheart, until then, so long!

I love you

Here I finally come to stand
My pen and paper in hand
To write to you

To tell you what I feel inside
To say to you I can't survive
Without you

For all the things I've come to see
I now believe there's only you
Only you for me

I'm standing here so lost in you
That's all my heart and soul can do
Is say what's true

I love you
I love you

The first time I looked in your eyes
It was so clear to my surprise
My heart stood still

I've heard it time and time again
That when you fall you can't pretend
True love is real

I know with you I do belong
You are my voice my simple song
You're all I need

The joy I feel when love is blind
You're everything I need to find
My search is through

Baby I love you
I love you
Babe I love you
I love you

Cause I know with you I do belong
You are my voice my simple song
You're all I need

And the joy I feel when love is blind
You're everything I need to find
My search is through

Baby I love you
I love you

Love will show you everything

Today, today I bet my life
You have no idea
What I feel inside
Don't, be afraid to let it show
For you never know
If you let it hide

I love you, you love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you, will let me
I'll take what scares you and hold it deep inside
And if you, ask me why,
I'm with you and why I'll never leave
Love will show you everything

One day,
when youth is just a memory
I know,
You'll be standing right next to me

I love you, you love me
Take this gift and don't ask why
Cause if you, will let me
I'll take what scares you and hold it deep inside
And if you, ask me why
I'm with you and why I'll never leave
My love will show you everything
My love will show you every - thing, thing,
My love will show you, everything
Our love will show us everything

Random readings

On Pain
 Kahlil Gibran
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.


Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.


It is true. Pain and Happiness are always a choice. We are happy if we choose to be happy and we are sad if we choose to be sad. This is also well explained in this article.

If only...

If only I could feel the warmth of your hug now, I would sleep in peace. 
If only I could run my hands through your hair now, I would close my eyes and smile.
If only I could hold your hands now and tug your closer, my heart would skip a beat.
If only I could look into your eyes now, I would see all the love in the world in one place. 
If only I could sit next to you doing nothing now, I would consider myself to be the luckiest person on earth.
If only I could feel your stubble on my cheek, your breath on my neck, your kiss on my lips I would not ask for anything more.
If only...
Miss you. 

MPKDH

I was watching this song O ajnabi sad version and it made me realize why I watched this movie thrice in a theater. I think I like the pain in love, sweet torture as they call it, and also maybe some cool fundas about parenting I wanted my mom to see , also her outfits. That's it. 

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.
Oscar Wilde

Bubbly

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feeling like a child now
`Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tingles in a silly place

It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
please stay for a while now
Just take your time where ever you go

The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under cover staying safe and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

They start in my toes make me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for awhile now
Just take your time wherever you go

But what am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way
I just...mmmmmmmm


It starts in my toes makes me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for awhile now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

Duh duh duh duh duh da duh duh duh duh dum
Bom bo da da da da da bom
Mmm mmm

I've been a sleep for awhile now
You tuck me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose the feeling shows
'Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time
now holding me tight

Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
wherever, wherever, wherever you go

Oh wherever you go I always know
You make me smile just for a while 

Love story

Where do I begin?
To tell the story of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love he brings to me
Where do I start?

Like a summer rain
That cools the pavement with a patent leather shine
He came into my life and made the living fine
And gave a meaning to this empty world of mine
He fills my heart

He fills my heart with very special things
With angels' songs, with wild imaginings
He fills my soul with so much love
That anywhere I go, I'm never lonely
With him along, who could be lonely
I reach for his hand, it's always there

How long does it last?
Can love be measured by the hours in a day?
I have no answers now, but this much I can say
I'm going to need him till the stars all burn away
And he'll be there.

Thank you :)

With you I find peace.
With you I find happiness.
With you I grow and know Tu Hai toh, I'll be alright.
With you I feel at home.
With you I find friends and new seasons.
With you I love movies and plain things.
With you I discover music.
With you work is bearable.
With you pain is nothing.
With you sickness is minuscule.
With you I skip and hop.
With you I feel brave and confident.
With you I see places, I love places.
With you I feel secure and protected.
And I just realised that without you, the above lines would be incomplete.

Without you I can't imagine of passing a single day.
Without you I would be scared and alone.
Without you Life would not be joyful. Did I not mention you bring immense joy to me. :-)
Without you I never could, can nor will imagine a Life. You complete my very being. I have always known this since you came into my life. I am just acknowledging it now.

Thank you for bearing with me, standing by me and loving me.

...

I can't describe how tired I feel. But life goes on.
It hurts a lot and it keeps coming in bigger waves. But life goes on.
It sounds like a zillion drums bursting inside, sorry I feel for my poor little lungs. But life goes on.
We carry out our daily activities, keep our minds busy and distracted still the pain does not subside and I say move on you bugger. I want to go on, get past this cause its another day, another start, for my life to go on.

"Things I'll never say" :)

I’m tugging at my hair
I’m pulling at my clothes
I’m trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I’m staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head

[Pre-Chorus]
(Cause) I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
Yeah

[Chorus]
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say

It don’t do me any good
It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If it ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care

[Pre-Chorus]

[Chorus]

What’s wrong with my tongue
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble
Like I’ve got nothing to say

[Pre-Chorus]

Guess I’m wishing my life away with these things I’ll never say
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you...away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say
These things I’ll never say


:) :) :)
Avril after a long time :)

Carpe Diem and other things...

I had been wondering, the purpose of life, (again!)among those many thoughts swimming in this head. This time it sprouted from weird dreams. I always wake up being fascinated by dreams. I have been wanting to own a dream diary. I think this thought first came to me after reading that article in RD which said “How to interpret your Dreams”. They had suggested to keep a diary by the bed side and fill it with whatever thoughts and remembrance one has after having a dream. Well I digress, the point is I do not have the time nor luxury to do this. I want to write whenever I feel like. I need my personal space. Well we need a lot of things, but we put up with life, it goes on and then suddenly we wake up to realize “Oh, my whole life just passed by in a flash, while I kept dreaming and wanting and waiting...”

As Horace said in his poem “Carpe Diem” → Seize the Day, trust as little as possible in the future. I would love to believe and live by that. I try to sometimes. And then I go back to my cautious self. Sigh. Of course I am living my life, having good and bad times. But I don't feel like I'm living MY life to the fullest extent.

Well there were a series of unfortunate events that occurred recently through which I came out almost unscathed. I always used to wonder what would happen If one fell across a road divider while attempting to cross. That was answered last weekend. Luckily I just sat and then stood up. Also later the same day AR and moi were going on his bike after a very heated outburst from him at the studio. We already had had a long talk the same morning and I knew he was disturbed but I never thought it would affect his riding. And there I was wrong again on that score as it did affect and we did meet with an accident. I just had minor injuries, without even drawing blood(which reminded me of bio sir who had a hard time drawing a tiny drop of blood to do blood grouping test). Well that was that, and oh I forgot to mention those nice shoes which got ruined in the process. Well all my friends had had an eye on it. I had just gotten it repaired and it met its end. Sigh. Well looking at the bigger picture this loss is bearable.

I was a little disturbed and upset all the way home. No reason in particular. But there is so much anger seething underneath it scares me at times. Sometimes its anger directed at others and sometimes at myself. Then I hear a good song and everything settles down. I had told BB earlier to be nice to gaaru cuz he is scared and needs time to adjust, but then I realized at the end of the day I dint do much to help him out either. I felt really horrible about it. Its so easy to advice but equally difficult to practice. I know he can be a bit annoying but we must learn to accept people the way they are. He must be trying really hard to fit in and we din't help him at all. He had been waiting for this day all this while. Its a little sad that people had already developed preconceived notions bout him, which is going to make it all the more challenging. Hmm everyone has their own battles to fight. So I'll just let this be for now.