Friday Night

Days are becoming hectic all the more and I feel 100 yrs old. It has been a little better than the past couple of them as I was able to get the approvals and details what I wanted on time. Not that I am getting complacent but yea it was a bit better. The chudail still bugs me and gives me her chores. Everyone tells me to put my foot down and as I know very well that I will have to be pushed to the extreme to do that. For all I know my fate is being discussed right now as Chudail and Cena have hopped out for a meeting. Well not exactly my life’s fate but atleast my future prospects in this project. I couldn’t stop laughing when chudail’s PC went down while Katya unplugged her laptop and the chudail was moaning all the while. Not that she does anything other than forwarding mails. Sometimes I feel sorry for her but the very next minute she gets nasty with me so how in the name of God do you expect me not to get annoyed.

If only she was a better person… welll there can be many if only’s… A bought a lappy today. Cant wait to see it. Not that its with any great configuration but still. Today was really hectic. And I thought it was getting better. It is almost 7 and everybody has left. It’s a Friday night so dinner is out. Dunno where. And I don’t wanna think bout what chudail might have told Cena.

C msgd bout eating pizza in UB city. He always keeps doing that-the best place for coffee, to party, for dosa what not. I keep telling him not to as it is ISD msging, nevertheless am happy to see.

I read this somewhere, In a day when you don’t come across problems you can be sure you are travelling in the wrong path- Vivekanada.

Then I must be walking the most righteous path considering the dys I have been through lately.

Weekend is here and I need sleep badly as I kept waking at weird hours last night. I kept checking the time like every 2 mins so as not to over sleep from 6-7.15. Gosh it was not good at all.

People should realise the right usage of strong words. R the gossip lady in my office keeps using the word “disgusting” all the time. And she tries to flirt with Mon(who by the way is married and I know he has a soft corner for her, not in a wrong way) But whatever.

Some bling things I saw on the train- Bling phones, Bling ear phones, Bling piercings and man they have piercing everywhere!! Weird hairstyles, Weird hair colors, very fashion conscious people I must say. K, chotu’s mgr was asking me why I do not apply nail polish. I said I do sometimes. (honestly its very rarely) Then the next obvious comment oh you must be tom boyish.
Grrr gimme a break. I am what I am.

I feel i have tired eyes :(

Weekend here I come!

Eat all day!

See I knew it I knew it I was right!! I so wanna rub it into their faces; it feels awesome to be right but sucks for not being able to get back at them. There was this issue which had to be followed up. But I saw this one mail in the group inbox and I had a feeling it had to do with the same issue. So I cross checked with both the ladies, Learner and Noodles. I keep changing her name :D. What to do she just bugs me soo much. Noodles aka M forced me to follow up with Apple(what? That’s a name! ) regarding the same though I had a feeling she was already working on it. I feel good ta na na na na..So good ta na na na na.. heee ha… because indeed she was working on it.

But this kameeni/kalmoohi chudail who I just can’t stand at all just gets worse day by day. If she has doubts and questions she can ask it herself. Why does she have to make me do it all the time? Aaargh! She is such a pain. I dunno what I should do to make her shut up.

Had lunch at “Happy Days” today, it’s a Fish and Chips place. I couldn’t finish the chips though. Anyhoo had a walk through central London Commercial street ! Nice stuff. I wanna buy a dress before I leave. I think I really get along well with these firangi’s. But my place is not here. I wouldn’t mind visiting once in a while. I know the English humour, the NYC humour and today I came across Australian too. Funny guys!

Its eve and I did make a few notes. Tomorrow hopefully I’ll head somewhere with the documentation thingy. I hate follow up work I hate bugging people with mails and calls. But then I am here and it’s not like I have a choice. Chudail keeps telling me if they don’t respond chase up, well I aint a B!tch like her.

Well I’ll let it be. Oh FYI my missing friend Miss R was found loitering the jungles for tiger estimation survey. She was so happy to see the status message and the comments. She thinks I’m funny. Stupid gal! Well I never knew I will grow so close to her initially during the college days. She had annoyed the hell out of me initially with her unruly behaviour in class by throwing chits around. (I was weird back then)But then our relationship changed. It withered a little during my first relationship. But after that it only got stronger. Touch wood! I am blessed to have such good friends. I can rely on them at anytime and I know for sure that I have to just ask and they will be there for me. C is unwell. Poor guy. And of all times that his phone had be switched off last night it was on when I called him past 1 on impulse. That’s another thing that I love bout these guys is that I can call them anytime.

I have the tiniest crush on Cena. He can be so cute and funny at times. Well he wont look cute on first glance, typical military guy and very disciplined too. Also I had a cute little encounter last eve while I headed home as I bumped into this guy and he gave a wink and said no problemo. Well he dint actually say it say it but that’s what it meant. *eyes rolling*

Well I have to keep myself entertained shouldn’t I?! Time to head home. Hopefully better stuff to write tomorrow. And I hope the new chick who was supposed to coe to my room today has not come!! So long!

Tired again!

I am drained of all possible energy I had when I started this day. I hadn’t expected it to be so busy. Its been made worse by M and Her snide comments. I was busy all day get back to her. I tried to explain my position politely. But I guess the impression is made. I will just have to do better tomorrow cause the last thing I want to hear from Cena is that he is disappointed. I will make it up tomorrow.

There was a discussion on FB as to what is the strongest emotion. For me, it definitely has to be my ANGER. My anger can drive me positively to do things which I usually would not do. Yesterday I reached home to find four of them at home but neither had bothered to buy groceries. I was freezing all the way home, but I went back out without feeling a thing and shopped for all which I was earlier lazy to do. I am hungry. Did I mention things have changed at home? Maybe I did. Well we take turns to cook and its my turn . Chotu who has assist me is going to be late. And I will crib about it tomo.

Did I mention sadness is evident on my face these days? I suck at pretending but well I can’t afford to show my emotions now!
Time to pack up though I have much more to share than rant, I have to go. Atleast letting it out here makes me feel a little better.

Its only Tuesday!

What is it that makes me so bloody sleepy?

I think I am changing. I have mellowed down a lot in the past couple of days. I am practically living and breathing blogs. I think in blogs. I Talk, I sleep and I walk blogs. I don’t talk much to people. (Other than the ones I talk to on phone-My people who are miles away from me: ( Hmmmm ! )

I feel suffocated at times. I don’t like being confined to rules though I would be the first to come up with if need arises. But I can’t be around people who swear too much, or are moody for silly things, who hide stuff from me or behave weird. There’s no point for me to keep singing the same song all the time.

I was just going through something when I stumbled upon a blog called churmuri. There was one post on K.S.Ashwath which made me v.sad. I loved this artist. I used to call him ashwath ajja when I was a kid and it feels like I have lost someone dear to me again. He passed away last month on 29th. I read another interview of his here. He was going to make a come back in movies with the lion himself aka Vishnuvardhan (who also passed away last month!) Not that I was a big fan of his, May their souls rest in peace. I like Ananth Nag better. Sometime I wish I could sit and watch some movies. Some old ones, some kannada, some hindi. Sometimes I fear time will just pass me by and I will regret not having done this. Hmmm.

Well I think I might have new things coming my way as Che has looked up photography classes for me!! So along with dance I have something else to look forward to :) I want to dance so badly. I have been doing my stretches over the weekends but still I miss my gang.

I had lunch alone today. I was hungry and even though the rest said they’d show up they dint. I had a much needed talk and I feel fine now. Ok I have been relatively free right now unlike morning so have been goofing around. I mean apart from blog reading, I went through this chick Aisha Linnea Akhtar profile on FB. She was sooo hot. And her Bf too. I know I shouldn’t be doing all this but what caught my attention was the D 90. I sooo want a camera.(Maybe that camera!!) And they make a pretty hot couple. That’s enough bout them.

The phone had been ringing off the hook all morning and issues were pouring into the inbox non-stop. And now I am so jobless that I will put this in my status on FB: My dear/Crazy/Smartass friend Miss R is M.I.A. Description: Godhi banna, Saadharan maikattu, 5 feet 7 inchu, ghunghuru koodalu , left eyebrow piercing, Orange Nike bag, swalpa manasika rogada lakshanavide but she will definitely outsmart all of you. Whoever finds her will be generously rewarded. Whoever kicks her butt will be doubly rewarded. Thank you !

I know I’m crazy… heeeheeehaa.. I need a break.

When this post is read I might seem dysfunctional but mind you this is written over a span of 10 hrs @ work. Hrruumph!

Tags Part-2

So, here goes
22 Things guys would like to know about women.

1. How do you feel after a one night stand?
“If” I do have one, “IF” being the operative word, I’d feel “used”. I’m not the one-night-stand type!

2. Do you ever get used to wearing a thong?
Erm, what’s there to get used to?!

3. Does it hurt?
What Hurts? Is there something new out there that I don’t know about? How is it done??*Pixie* : )

4. Do you know when you are acting crazy?
Who are you calling Crazy?!! Huh?
I guess I do but I don’t think I will accept it: )

5. Does size really matter?
Of course! Always – and YES, it matters with the bank balances and diamonds as well!*again Pixie*

6. When the bill comes, are you still a feminist?
Yes. Not because I always would want to. I just like to be fair.

7. Why do you take so long to get ready?
Perfection is an art and can not be hurried.
I don’t take a lot of time actually. Unless I am feeling lazy or dreading to go wherever that is I am going!

8. Do you watch porn, too?
I would like to see someday but my friends have warned me that I might just throw up. Can’t be that bad eh?

9. Will something from Tiffany’s solve everything?
Not really, But it’s worth a shot! A sincere apology will definitely work for me!

10. Are guys as big of a mystery to you as you are to us?
Lol! No. We pretty much have figured you out. I’d written this somewhere and it always strengthens my belief as time goes. Men are either hungry/horny/sleepy!

11. Why do you sometimes think you look fat?
Unless am wearing too many layers of clothes, which I am! But even then I know I don’t look fat :)

12. Why are you always late?
I’m never late! Usually end up early and waiting except when I am moody.

13. Does it bother you when we scratch?
Yes. It reminds me of my pet dog at home and a strong urge to say “shoo” arises!*Pixie*

14. Do you wish you could pee standing up?
No! I don’t see it a privilege that you have to hold your “thing” to pee!

15. Why do so many women cut their hair short as soon as they get married?
To tick their hubby and in-laws?? Just a guess : )

16. How often do you think about sex?
I’m thinking about it right now!! Ooh aah yes!! Gotcha! Pervert!

17. What do you think of women who sleep with guys on the first date?
Why do you think I think about women?

18. Would you?
Wouldn’t you like to know! ;)

19. Do you realize every guy wants a girl just like his mom?
No. They don’t. They never know what they want. Especially not like their mum (nothing against the mums). Just my observations *I can’t stand mama’s boys*

20. Why does every woman think she can change him?
Because she knows she can make the world a better place by making one man a better person!

21. Does it matter what car I drive?
As long as you can drive me around safely …? No.

22. Do you ever fart?
Yes, but since you don’t seem to know about it – let’s not talk about it either. *Pixie*

Some good ones here
Moppet

Tired

Why?
Why do I have to take shit from anyone? Why does it have to boil down to me even if there are others equally involved and responsible? Why should I take it in stride? Is it because I don strike back? Why do I have the patience to put up with this kind of shit and still be kind so as not to hurt their sentiments! I could have told the others and it would have caused a rift. I wanna move out. I can’t take this. I don’t know what is going to happen. How can one person be responsible for an action by so many others? I don’t like to think so much. Or be sad or gloomy bout something which is over and is still being rubbed in my face. It is not fair. Life is not fair, But its fun. Right? Well that’s what he said, in the book pinecones and orchids. Yesterday saw pine cones and orchids at Kew gardens. Also day before went to Leeds castle with a huge bunch of people. It was fun. 2 guys had awesome Cameras- one a Nikon D-3000 and another Nikon D-90.

Now I’m digressing as usual. Well it’s good to think of relaxing happy thoughts instead of sulking. I am going to be selfish and I will do what’s best for me. I will not take shit from anyone. I will do what I wanna do when I wanna do and how I wanna do! It’s decided now! I just hope I stick to it. Last night I ended up staying till 12 while almost everyone went and slept by ten thirty. Jon had made some tomato curry. I mean its just tomato and onions! And I don’t eat tomatoes even in rasam! So I made curd rice for moi which I liked and I think I can eat it everyday! Then I hadn’t packed for Prons/frans call him whatever as he does not like tomatoes so I prepared puliyogre for him which I’m sure 3/4th of which would be in the dustbin. So much for gratitude! He’s a Class A As*h@le. He was talking so cheaply bout his sister-in-law. Aaargh forget it. How can anyone expect me to ever trust men when I know whats going on in their heads. I mean yea each ones thinking differs. But I am practically living in their heads! 6 guys! Gowda apologised for his behaviour other night. So its cool now. Not that his habits will change. And I have a feeling Chotu probably has developed a liking towards me which is not good! What should I do? Yesterday I tried to keep distance and he asked why am I acting weird. Then I talk a lot trying to keep the normalcy in my behaviour. I’m tired.

It’s all going no where and I don’t have anyone to talk to. Chotu’s mgr is leaving this weekend and she asked me if I’d like to move to her place with a bunch of gals and I dint give any answer as such. I’ll see how this week goes and decide. Everyone left. I will go home alone today. I wanted to. But now I feel sad. I am so weird! No wonder men are so confused bout women if this is the way we behave!!

Yesterday spoke to C for a long time. There was a lot happening at his end and he never told me anything. I was so mad at him. Sometimes I fear he might stop confiding in me. I hope that never happens! He did make me happy when he said that had he reached the airport earlier he would have told me how proud he is of me for all that I have lived through and to where I was heading all alone. He has a lot of patience for a guy. And he has shown many a time that he can be the bigger man. I am so proud of him too! : )

Alright time to head home but I have 2 posts coming up! Until tomorrow….

Stolen Tags Part 1

Last Movie You Saw In A Theater: 3 idiots

What Book Are You Reading: Violets are Blue James Patterson

Favourite Board Game: Ludo? ;)

Favourite Magazine: RD if it falls under that category!

Favourite Smells: my hair after shower, citrous room spray, vanilla, tadka(sauteed onion garlic and other spices), woods after first rain, baby smell, freshly brewed filter coffee, potpourri umm that’s enough.

Favourite Sound: baby’s laughter, cat purring mewing, funny sounds made by my friends, sounds at sea shore, wind chimes

Worst Feeling in The World: feeling lonely.

What Is The First Thing You Think Of When You Wake? : I wish I could sleep some more / I wish I’d risen early. (Depends)

Favourite Fast Food Place: DK chaats

Future Child’s Name: Haven’t thought of it yet…

Finish This Statement. “If I had A Lot of Money I’d…” set up my own place and also study further.

Do You Drive Fast? : Sadly I still haven’t learnt *sniff sniff*

Do You Sleep With A Stuffed Animal? : Never have...

Storms - Cool or Scary? : Coooool!!

What Was Your First Car? : Maruthi van way back in childhood

Favourite Drink: Water, fresh fruit juices,

Finish This Statement, “If I Had the Time I would …..” sleep, visit places and loved ones, do nothing, I don’t know…

Do You Eat The Stems On Broccoli? : don’t fancy Broccoli

If You Could Dye Your Hair Any Colour, What Would Be Your Choice? : Red! :D

Name All the Different Cities/Towns You Have Lived In: Udupi, Shimoga, Mangalore, BBSR, Goa, Bombay, Bangalore, and London

Favourite Sports To Watch: pass :p

What’s Under Your Bed? : Carpet and plastic covers

Would You Like To Be Born As Yourself Again? : Yes!!

Morning Person or Night Owl? : Owwwl

Favourite Place To Relax: In a garden, in a hammock, in temples which are not crowded.

I want to:.break free…. (Seemed appropriate he hee)

I wish: for a lot of good things all around.

I hear: almost everything…(Even when I’m asleep*creepy huh*)

I wonder: if I will ever stay independently all by myself/ if I will ever be able to do a head-stand!

I regret: nothing much

I am: in office trying to kill time.

I dance: all the time!! I don’t even need music most of the time…

I sing: whenever I think no ones listening.

I cry: sometimes. Crying is healthy

I make with my hands: variety of food…and personalised cards/letters.

I write: blogs and my diary at times, and letters to my loved ones.

I confuse: a lot of people sometimes.

I need: to be loved

Office talk

C: Any issues to hand over?
Me: No.
C: Good Girl!
Me: Fake nod *Don’t “GoodGirl” me As*h@le*
C: I hope this is my last hand over… Last call forward from this team. Hopefully I will be a part of the new team when I get back.
Me: Fake Smile *I hope so too L@ser!*
After 5 minutes
C: So no issues right? You are Fine?
*More nods*
C: If you collect all the questions you have regarding Blahblah I can help you with them, Cuz I dunno how much M will want to help as I was given the responsibility of giving you the KT(Knowledge Transition)
*More nods and I continue to stare at the dots on my monitor while glancing once in every 8s*
C: After you go back to b’lore too don’t hesitate to ping me if you have any doubts regarding blahblah
Me: Fake half smile nod *whatever dude! Get out of my face! And stop looking anywhere below it. As*h@le!)
He leaves.
Peace.

Blog While You Work! :D

Work Work Work! I warned you yesterday itself that I might not be able to write up anything. It has been a busy day. Funny things happening. Jon’s reached home and he calls after reaching home! I mean hello…he could have warned previously and we would have done some arrangement but no! hmmm I dunno how is it gonna be with him around. I have a feeling he is a little narrow minded. And we were planning to party hard this weekend. Well I shouldn’t care much but for all I know tomorrow he can turn out to be my PL.

Anyhoo its been buzzing busy mainly also I have been reading a lot of blogs lately and all these blogs are of married women with newly borns or just not yet there types. Interesting read! I think I did voice my concerns in the previous posts regarding how men are. But I also read some nice posts which made me wish that I be blessed with a caring partner like that. One of them was Toast to my husband. And then these were a few ore good ones I dint wanna lose
Ignorance is Bliss
Differently Similar
U Knew Dint You Funny one!
I do something different.
I liked many of the mommy blogs and I plan to keep mine going for a long time. So that I too will have all my memories and emotions captured. Ahhh what am I talking! I need a reality check.

I have been picking up tags randomly from various posts and been doing it in my free time. It’s been fun. Will post it soon.

As I am busy typing away, S is googling away to glory. He is looking up for kerala fish recipes. Well while we were chatting away yesterday (I have used too many “away”s in just 2 lines!!) till pretty late though we were done with dinnerby 23:00 hrs(a lil effect of watching “A Few Good Men” last weekend). Then Chotu Motu challenged to finish dinner tomorrow by 22:00 hrs(i.e. today). So let’s see how the challenge goes. If we do manage to finish dinner by then we get a treat from Chotu motu hee haa… :D

I took in a few jibes yesterday --that I take a long time to cook and I am trying new things, I let it go in stride. Why can’t my efforts be appreciated that I give it my best to put a decent meal on the table. Anyways chuck it.

I have a lot to write hopefully will do it tomorrow. Until then…Sayonara

Beautiful day

I dint feel like coming to office today. I felt like walking aimlessly listening to music to the cool breeze blowing my hair all over the place. But one cannot do what one always wishes.

I am also very upset today. I want a place of my own. So why wont I do something about it? Cuz I don’t have a choice. Its nothing against my friends or that I don’t get along. It’s just that I want to live independently. Set up a place of my own. Is that too much to ask? I just spoke to mum and she was all excited telling me bout the get together my family had at my place. And when I explained my reason for the call she was dead against my decision. She said you can think about it later. For now once you return stay there or else in a PG. PG!!! No ways!

I know there will not be a later. Not that I plan to marry anytime soon. But if I move in here it will be for like 11 months!! That is long and then I will be 25 a year later and then they’ll talk bout marriage and then it won’t be the same. I feel like screaming aaaaaaraargghhhh!! I feel helpless. I don’t want to do something against ma’s will. I believe it’ll just get me into something I will regret later. So I will have to convince her first. And once I move in I can’t back out n leave my friends in soup! I don’t want to think too much. As long as I am here I don’t have to worry bout that as I have enough things to keep me occupied.

Newbie in the team and Mon teaches him. Though it’s not his thing. Definitely not ha. Noon I went out for a stroll to get my lunch. Listening to music. Cool wind in my hair. Light drizzle. Felt really nice. It’s good for a change to be by myself. Just walk around Main aur meri tanhaayi… I know lot of tanha time is ahead. Had burger from Burger king. Chicken royale! Again! That’s the thing with me. I like consistency so end up becoming monotonous in my taste. Gotta change that.

Some funny things around me. There are some “colleagues” of mine who pretend to work. I don’t see the point. Who are they trying to impress..? Cena our manager is on leave skiing somewhere in Austria. And this AS* is always suck!ng up to him.. he is Ca* the kiss as* hehehe. I don’t like the way he looks at me. I get annoyed when he is trying to see my screen. He and the polish chick M were bickering...actually still are all the time! Anyways he is off to India soon. To see his wife and kids. At our Banglaham party the major joke was Ca* ability to get women pregnant just by looking at them. Beware of his stare! Lol! I have got a lot of work to do…loads of documentation before the weekend is over.
p.s: I saw this on fb and loved it.
Awesomely said Bob!
"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there. “- Bob Marley

p.s.2: I dint have to put up with the gossip yesterday eve. I headed home. And I am proud of being able to walk away.

Blog-hopper :)

I was just going through some blogs(Blog-hopping my nu thing) and I came across some nice stories. Some which almost made me cry and some which make me fear the future. I don’t know why but it seems like that’s exactly how it’s going to be and I have no clue how to prepare myself for it. I was reading this article by pixie (I hope you don’t mind it pixie) and then I hopped on to read some more…cuz I love romantic real life stories. How often do we see such things in real life…hardly a few? Anyways then the stuff I read here atCeeKay ‘s made me sad and scared. It was bout how little appreciation one gets post marriage. Their love story was nice too but then post marriage, post kids, it’s a little sad. Women don’t get enough appreciation for what they do. How often do you tell your mum that she has done a good job? How often are her efforts to keep a family together appreciated?

I live here with 5 guys (going to be 6 when Jon comes) and I very well know this breed of men now. What they want, how they act,.. I know, I know I keep my rant going on endlessly. I should stop being so obsessed with their shortcomings. I know, everybody, both men and women have their own set of flaws and the argument can go on n on but this is my blog and I will blog about my opinions, my worries, my fears and my happiness!

Sorry, now I have totally lost the train of thought that got me started with this post. Its been little hectic. I was helping out another colleague with issues what I used to handle before. Now I’m into a new application so if I want to go home I have to help him finish too. And its not just that its also that I used to like my previous role. He just peeked into what I was writing and asked if it was fiction. Ha if only...
My day was made by my housemate today Sam, the amchi fella I don’t remember what I referred him as in my previous posts. Anyways he had msgd in the morn saying please have tea today its marvellous he he he.. He has finally learnt to make the perfect tea. Then after lunch he pinged “Kurma was Jhakaaz..Thank you”. Gee that made me very happy. Atleast someone appreciated. I felt it came out well too. The jeera rice kurma combo. Most of the times these days I do not plan dinners I just go with the flow and it turns out fine. I had got lychees and strawberries other day to go with vanilla n chocolate ice cream. It was heavenly! :-) I’ll have another post on my day to day recipes…Just the list of course.

Well right now I am multi-tasking big time. Speaking bout multi-tasking…it landed me in a mess over the weekend. He got pissed off then I got pissed off. I let go of my ego but he dint. I was pretty upset over the weekend. It’s not just that. I missed talking to my best friend. Sometimes I fear everyone will just move on. Not that I want them to stop living but I don’t know, somehow the time zone maybe is affecting everything. I have been thinking really too much. I should stop! And once again I’m in the middle of pathetic nonsensical office gossip. I need a break.

Smiles

It takes so little effort to make me happy! :D I was all smiles to see the text “Mari.. Come back soon.. :-)”

Random Rant

Everyone has some filler that they use while talking. Fillers are sounds or words that are spoken to fill up gaps in utterances(lifted from wiki) and the most commonly used around here were also mentioned in wiki. For Example….
—Say, Like, Like ya’know, Basically, Actually, I mean, it means , Well, Meaning, Then-- in English.
–Matlab, Maane k, Yaani ki—in hindi.
--andre(meaning), matthe(then/and) in kannada.
--patheenga-na(if you see), apparam(then)—in tamil.
Why am I writing all this? That’s cuz I am so tired of listening to them. As I am taking transition from these colleagues of mine here I come across these fillers more often than I’d like to hear. Not just when they are conversing with me but generally. Well that’s why they are called fillers I suppose. M often uses “Like ya’know” and C uses “Basically”. Many a times I’m tempted to say “umm I DON’T know” , “Its not so basically under all circumstances…!!” .

Lots of things happening. And I’m still yet to write bout those dreams I mentioned! Its still vivid in my head! The first one was really bad…goons and rogues, aaargh don’t wanna think bout it. The second one was weird. It involved my cousin S. I am tired of using initials. I’ll call him Poo. That’s what I used to call him way back secretly. ; ) anyways that’s all history now. But this dream was sad and scary where I had to decide if I will wed him or not! His dead mother asking me not to leave him. It was freaking me out. Me standing at the entrance of the hall, not knowing whether to go in or not. If I do how will I face my relatives. What will happen if I say “No”. It was a no even in my sleepy state. But I just dint have the courage to say it. He was/is dear to me but I had priorities even in my dream. And I am glad I did. I was waiting for a sign and I somehow did (it’s all filmy! :D ) The sign was some aarthi and stuff…I don exactly remember now. But I woke up feeling weird but at the same time pretty good bout how I managed to go in, in the end and inform him about my decision.

Ok Now that this is covered lets talk bout something else. I had a meeting with my manager D today. Hmm I’ll call him Cena cuz he looks like John Cena and I say so cuz R aka rabbit told me so. I dint even know who John Cena is otherwise. Anyways it was regarding all the applications in the pipeline for the team back in B’lore. So its gonna be me in this new shit. Old shit new shit No difference. And by the looks of it won’t be getting an extension. What’s that they say bout being careful what you wish for cause you might just get it.
Maybe I just did. Hmmm… yesterday I was feeling that way. Money can’t buy happiness. Money can’t cure the pain. Money can’t wipe my tears or buy my forgiveness. It’s not all that great living with guys. The friendlier you get they stop treating you like a gal. They extend regular courtesy but sometimes they extend TMI. I mean too much info. And I get the feeling that I was better off not knowing. Yesterday was D aka gowda’s birthday. He is a funny lil guy. Not lil but yea he is lean and he wears a minimum of 6-7 shirts n tees and sweater combo to keep himself warm. A little sensitive to the cold (except for when he’s drunk). And the funniest is his gowda style head-banging he does when he listens to any kind of music. And it’s the same style for all kinds of music. Ok anyways the thing is we were having usual lunch talk when again the topic of Bethnal Green came up and I was all curious bout it as they always had some secret regarding it. Finally S aka Chotu-motu told it out loud saying coupla months back they had been to a strip club there. I was shocked that gowda had gone. I mean I can’t think of him having such I dunno what… I guess it would not be normal if a guy said he does not want to go to a strip club. I wanted to put this as a separate post but looks like it’s gonna be part of one lengthy post. Well it would be much better to maintain a diary I feel at times cuz that I can access at any time instead of having conversations with myself mentally!

Well few things changed and I walked out fully dressed after shower (not that I come out naked you pervert!) but I dint even wanna bare my legs to gowda who was going for shower next. Nothing against him but …see! This is what happens. Henceforth I will be wary of all these men. I hate this. All men are the same everywhere. I’d hate to think that my guy friends will all have the same kind of thinking. Or do they just pretend to be something that they are not when in presence of their friends. It’s not just this incident. It’s the way they perceive women. Their expectations and general behaviour. I can’t imagine being married to such a creature. Who would just expect me to work all day in office, and then come home and cook and serve him!? Not that I have a problem with it. As long as he keeps me happy and makes me feel that m truly loved I will go to all possible lengths to please him. But when I hear the kind of intentions these bachelors/recently married men have…it gives me the creeps. It’s like we women are just a means to an end.

Maybe all are not that bad but it’s just hard to get used to how these creatures are. Its not been all that great these past couple of days. It’s been a little hard on me. Sometimes I can be a pain and maybe most of the times I want things my way. I am not all that good at handling jokes either. Esp on me. Worse is when I’ve already had a bad day. But I still continue relentlessly to do it better to please all. I just don’t get it that you can’t please all the people all the time. In fact sometimes I wonder are they even worthy of it. I want to change- I don’t want to feel bad for silly things. I don’t throw tantrums; instead I go on silent mode. Then I involve in any form of vigorous physical labour. I feel I have said this before. Hmmm...But then in the quietness of my room it all just comes out. But then I believe crying is healthy. It feels a lot better later and then I resolve to be strong and that I wont give a sh*t or take it from anyone. Sometimes I doubt if I really believe in what I say. Because I let it happen over and over again!

I dint expect this to be such a long post. It was supposed to be different ones. One bout Men!! One bout Money! One about Fillers :) and maybe one bout the dreams.

I think I have put on a little. For good:) I hate my heels!! Just felt like writing on this :) I am yet to find a pair of comfortable regular office wear heels not that I require but it’s a necessity with formal office wear. My rant will go on. This is enough for today.

Weekend stories...

It was a crazy night. I am back to reading blogs and getting the feel of writing again. Feels good.

Coming to the crazy night…We had a team outing in EH last night and boy were we loud or what! :D It was fun at C’s expense mainly. Only 2 guys came who were non Indians. D and M. And they were brave enough to try our spicy Indian cuisine! R as expected (by me at least) started pretending to be drunk which lead to swearing and some double entendre dialogues. That was not funny but well everyone took it in the right spirit! I avoided spirits yesterday, considering I had been changing from who I used to be and what I used to think. A year ago I would not have believed that I would have tried so many things  Well things change and I have no regrets.
Well she is completely aware that she is bitching bout people in the after hours…hmmm well I’m referring to Ms.R . She was telling me just now that her ex-colleagues prolly miss the bitching session. God!! Here I am still in office typing to glory. Its almost empty. Probably if I was a spinster living here I’d end up like CR. CR is a workaholic and whatever I have heard bout so far sounds like she is a fun lady. She is in her mid thirties and loves kids, writes children’s stories, but seems she has vowed never to marry. Hmmmm … Well I dunno why am I writing bout her so much. She reminds me of S.akka.
Anyways the weekend is here and I should probably head home but then there are so many thoughts that are pouring in my head right now!!! :D And I haven’t yet gotten started with yesterday’s dinner party.

Well looks like I wont get a chance to tell that story today. R was telling me bout her family…Sab maaf…acting maaf bachpana maaf… not that it is an excuse. Hmmm to be contd.

Well it’s Monday again. A dull day, I am hungry, I am bored and I am sleepy. I wanna go home and sleep. Feels like the weekend just flew and I dint even do anything exciting. Well I did watch horror flicks which weren’t all that horrifying. There were also those depressing times in the room with nothing to do and I was trying to be brave and keep myself busy with nothing. Why the hell am I feeling so sleepy…
There were interesting dreams over the weekend which were horrifying. I dunno if I can blame the horror flicks for them,.. Sat night I ended up sleeping at 4 in the morning!! After watching a series of trailers for horror flicks with S. Then we settled for Wake up Sid. I love that movie for a few things—like konkana’s independence , her setting up her home, the college life, the editorial work, photography, hot boss *dreamy eyes* **lol** all in all a my dream! Someday….hopefully someday soon! I want to have a place of my own. I will get back to the dreams tomorrow! This is all for now. Well I also have to tell R’s story… tomorrow! tadaaaa

Likes and Dislikes

Sometimes the universe just conspires to torture you excruciatingly slowly making one wonder “Why me? Why now?” Hmmm,…. Well it was one such occasion this morning. M was explaining bout an application to me and I would have paid close attention only if I had not been so drowsy. I just could not keep my droopy eyes open! But then I managed it well and finally overcame the ordeal.

There are days when certain things piss me off big time. I know it’s selfish to want things my way all the time but that’s how I am. I am least interested in office politics and the last thing I wanna do before heading home is bitch about another colleague. I don’t give a rat’s ass if he/she is like this or like that, or went here or wants that. There were two such occasions when R and S wiled away my precious time. Come on, they should understand and cut me some slack considering I have to go home and cook for 12 people! Well 6 dinner and next day lunch. They just like to talk to each other. Call it the harmless flirting between the opposite sex.

Talking bout food my friend suggested I should blog bout it only to realise I never took any pictures. I tried my hand at various things after coming here. Well compared to all I have no inhibitions to call myself the top chef here. :D Other than the regular Konkani stuff I tried Pulao(without a cooker mind you) and also So’s salad. Well I named it “So”. The smart boys that they are got lettuce instead of cabbage/Gobi (I am still unaware what was the original intention) so I ended up getting red pepper, sweet corn, mayo and French dressing…viola the salad was ready. It feels really nice when one’s cooking skills are appreciated. What more can the chef ask for.

Its been snowing. And worse weather conditions are to be expected. By this month end S and D will go back to India. Another S will move out with his wife. Then it’ll be amchi S n P. No spare laptops. Its gonna get boring. No weekend outings. I still have two more novels to go. But with so much free time I think I’ll end up finishing them soon. Hmmm Then S keeps force-feeding the idea of staying back here. He is mighty happy with how things are turning out for him, with new position opening up. I am managing a new application here and I have no clue where this is heading. Future looks bleak. Only temptation to stay behind would be the pay-check. But even that seems hardly consoling while thinking of the loneliness ahead. I think I wrote somewhere that its not difficult to feel lonely even when in a crowd.
Sometimes I feel lonely. Sometimes I get hurt for the silliest comment. Sometimes I just prefer to be sad. Then I launch into endless physical labour to keep both my mind and body busy.
I miss many things, So many people, and So many places. Everything seems so far away yet so near. I miss dancing though I keep prancing around all the time.
I don’t like it when it rains when am out. It’s nice to walk when it snows. Sometimes it hurts real bad having no one to talk to when I need to. At the end of the day when things have gone bad, you go home , swallow all your pride and feelings and just move on. There might be seething rage or pain filling up the hollows but then you say all izz well Life goes on.

Yes I watched 3 idiots and I liked it. I went shopping and I dint like it. I loved the tate-modern museum which I still haven’t covered completely. Maybe I’ll go over sometime again. Enough of it all. This is all for now!