Everyone has some filler that they use while talking. Fillers are sounds or words that are spoken to fill up gaps in utterances(lifted from wiki) and the most commonly used around here were also mentioned in wiki. For Example….
—Say, Like, Like ya’know, Basically, Actually, I mean, it means , Well, Meaning, Then-- in English.
–Matlab, Maane k, Yaani ki—in hindi.
--andre(meaning), matthe(then/and) in kannada.
--patheenga-na(if you see), apparam(then)—in tamil.
Why am I writing all this? That’s cuz I am so tired of listening to them. As I am taking transition from these colleagues of mine here I come across these fillers more often than I’d like to hear. Not just when they are conversing with me but generally. Well that’s why they are called fillers I suppose. M often uses “Like ya’know” and C uses “Basically”. Many a times I’m tempted to say “umm I DON’T know” , “Its not so basically under all circumstances…!!” .
Lots of things happening. And I’m still yet to write bout those dreams I mentioned! Its still vivid in my head! The first one was really bad…goons and rogues, aaargh don’t wanna think bout it. The second one was weird. It involved my cousin S. I am tired of using initials. I’ll call him Poo. That’s what I used to call him way back secretly. ; ) anyways that’s all history now. But this dream was sad and scary where I had to decide if I will wed him or not! His dead mother asking me not to leave him. It was freaking me out. Me standing at the entrance of the hall, not knowing whether to go in or not. If I do how will I face my relatives. What will happen if I say “No”. It was a no even in my sleepy state. But I just dint have the courage to say it. He was/is dear to me but I had priorities even in my dream. And I am glad I did. I was waiting for a sign and I somehow did (it’s all filmy! :D ) The sign was some aarthi and stuff…I don exactly remember now. But I woke up feeling weird but at the same time pretty good bout how I managed to go in, in the end and inform him about my decision.
Ok Now that this is covered lets talk bout something else. I had a meeting with my manager D today. Hmm I’ll call him Cena cuz he looks like John Cena and I say so cuz R aka rabbit told me so. I dint even know who John Cena is otherwise. Anyways it was regarding all the applications in the pipeline for the team back in B’lore. So its gonna be me in this new shit. Old shit new shit No difference. And by the looks of it won’t be getting an extension. What’s that they say bout being careful what you wish for cause you might just get it.
Maybe I just did. Hmmm… yesterday I was feeling that way. Money can’t buy happiness. Money can’t cure the pain. Money can’t wipe my tears or buy my forgiveness. It’s not all that great living with guys. The friendlier you get they stop treating you like a gal. They extend regular courtesy but sometimes they extend TMI. I mean too much info. And I get the feeling that I was better off not knowing. Yesterday was D aka gowda’s birthday. He is a funny lil guy. Not lil but yea he is lean and he wears a minimum of 6-7 shirts n tees and sweater combo to keep himself warm. A little sensitive to the cold (except for when he’s drunk). And the funniest is his gowda style head-banging he does when he listens to any kind of music. And it’s the same style for all kinds of music. Ok anyways the thing is we were having usual lunch talk when again the topic of Bethnal Green came up and I was all curious bout it as they always had some secret regarding it. Finally S aka Chotu-motu told it out loud saying coupla months back they had been to a strip club there. I was shocked that gowda had gone. I mean I can’t think of him having such I dunno what… I guess it would not be normal if a guy said he does not want to go to a strip club. I wanted to put this as a separate post but looks like it’s gonna be part of one lengthy post. Well it would be much better to maintain a diary I feel at times cuz that I can access at any time instead of having conversations with myself mentally!
Well few things changed and I walked out fully dressed after shower (not that I come out naked you pervert!) but I dint even wanna bare my legs to gowda who was going for shower next. Nothing against him but …see! This is what happens. Henceforth I will be wary of all these men. I hate this. All men are the same everywhere. I’d hate to think that my guy friends will all have the same kind of thinking. Or do they just pretend to be something that they are not when in presence of their friends. It’s not just this incident. It’s the way they perceive women. Their expectations and general behaviour. I can’t imagine being married to such a creature. Who would just expect me to work all day in office, and then come home and cook and serve him!? Not that I have a problem with it. As long as he keeps me happy and makes me feel that m truly loved I will go to all possible lengths to please him. But when I hear the kind of intentions these bachelors/recently married men have…it gives me the creeps. It’s like we women are just a means to an end.
Maybe all are not that bad but it’s just hard to get used to how these creatures are. Its not been all that great these past couple of days. It’s been a little hard on me. Sometimes I can be a pain and maybe most of the times I want things my way. I am not all that good at handling jokes either. Esp on me. Worse is when I’ve already had a bad day. But I still continue relentlessly to do it better to please all. I just don’t get it that you can’t please all the people all the time. In fact sometimes I wonder are they even worthy of it. I want to change- I don’t want to feel bad for silly things. I don’t throw tantrums; instead I go on silent mode. Then I involve in any form of vigorous physical labour. I feel I have said this before. Hmmm...But then in the quietness of my room it all just comes out. But then I believe crying is healthy. It feels a lot better later and then I resolve to be strong and that I wont give a sh*t or take it from anyone. Sometimes I doubt if I really believe in what I say. Because I let it happen over and over again!
I dint expect this to be such a long post. It was supposed to be different ones. One bout Men!! One bout Money! One about Fillers :) and maybe one bout the dreams.
I think I have put on a little. For good:) I hate my heels!! Just felt like writing on this :) I am yet to find a pair of comfortable regular office wear heels not that I require but it’s a necessity with formal office wear. My rant will go on. This is enough for today.
