Tired

Why?
Why do I have to take shit from anyone? Why does it have to boil down to me even if there are others equally involved and responsible? Why should I take it in stride? Is it because I don strike back? Why do I have the patience to put up with this kind of shit and still be kind so as not to hurt their sentiments! I could have told the others and it would have caused a rift. I wanna move out. I can’t take this. I don’t know what is going to happen. How can one person be responsible for an action by so many others? I don’t like to think so much. Or be sad or gloomy bout something which is over and is still being rubbed in my face. It is not fair. Life is not fair, But its fun. Right? Well that’s what he said, in the book pinecones and orchids. Yesterday saw pine cones and orchids at Kew gardens. Also day before went to Leeds castle with a huge bunch of people. It was fun. 2 guys had awesome Cameras- one a Nikon D-3000 and another Nikon D-90.

Now I’m digressing as usual. Well it’s good to think of relaxing happy thoughts instead of sulking. I am going to be selfish and I will do what’s best for me. I will not take shit from anyone. I will do what I wanna do when I wanna do and how I wanna do! It’s decided now! I just hope I stick to it. Last night I ended up staying till 12 while almost everyone went and slept by ten thirty. Jon had made some tomato curry. I mean its just tomato and onions! And I don’t eat tomatoes even in rasam! So I made curd rice for moi which I liked and I think I can eat it everyday! Then I hadn’t packed for Prons/frans call him whatever as he does not like tomatoes so I prepared puliyogre for him which I’m sure 3/4th of which would be in the dustbin. So much for gratitude! He’s a Class A As*h@le. He was talking so cheaply bout his sister-in-law. Aaargh forget it. How can anyone expect me to ever trust men when I know whats going on in their heads. I mean yea each ones thinking differs. But I am practically living in their heads! 6 guys! Gowda apologised for his behaviour other night. So its cool now. Not that his habits will change. And I have a feeling Chotu probably has developed a liking towards me which is not good! What should I do? Yesterday I tried to keep distance and he asked why am I acting weird. Then I talk a lot trying to keep the normalcy in my behaviour. I’m tired.

It’s all going no where and I don’t have anyone to talk to. Chotu’s mgr is leaving this weekend and she asked me if I’d like to move to her place with a bunch of gals and I dint give any answer as such. I’ll see how this week goes and decide. Everyone left. I will go home alone today. I wanted to. But now I feel sad. I am so weird! No wonder men are so confused bout women if this is the way we behave!!

Yesterday spoke to C for a long time. There was a lot happening at his end and he never told me anything. I was so mad at him. Sometimes I fear he might stop confiding in me. I hope that never happens! He did make me happy when he said that had he reached the airport earlier he would have told me how proud he is of me for all that I have lived through and to where I was heading all alone. He has a lot of patience for a guy. And he has shown many a time that he can be the bigger man. I am so proud of him too! : )

Alright time to head home but I have 2 posts coming up! Until tomorrow….