Happiness

I'm tired. I need sleep. I've been working my ass off all week. I've been on call or logging in from home or cooking or washing. I need to sleep. But no I have to get up early and go to be there for the Team. Its not that I don't love it or them, its just that I have not had a "me" time in a long time. Its just that I have not slept as much as I would have liked to. 

I read lotta blogs bout being happy , choosing to be happy and by not ranting how they are not spreading unhappiness. Well in my point of view its OK to rant or sulk. Its your blog, your views. You need to be the one to decide what you want to write. For me this is my place to come and vent. To free myself of all the burdens. I have nothing against anyones opinions. And I'm sorry in advance if any of you ever come to visit.

The feel of something familiar is so soothing. Well I'm back to my old face wash so it feels good. See maybe all these people are right, it is bout choosing to be happy. Yes I would always choose happiness. If only it chose me....

Complicated

Uh huh
Life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh
That's the way it is
'Cause life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh
That's the way it is.


Ok so Life's like this. I accept it the way it is. I made alot of choices. I'm living with it now. I accept I'm a workaholic. I accept I'm an obsessive compulsive creature. It pisses me off to see my things not in the place where I originally left them, It pisses me off to see water running and wasted while you stand in front of the sink brushing, it pisses me off to listen to stupid men talk like misogynists. It pisses me off when colleagues I work with day to day give me a once-over. I'm not pissed off at life. Its just the little things.


Of course its again the little things that make me happy/smile. It makes me happy to be wearing good clothes. I Know when I look good even if no one tells me so. I think feeling beautiful is more important than being told or anyone trying to convince you that you are. I feel happy when my cooking is appreciated. Yes, I've begun cooking again after a long time and I feel good. I felt happy for a change to see the sun had not yet set when I left office on Tuesday. I felt happy to see the rains and also it stopped timely till I made it home without getting drenched. I was ecstatic when R called to tell me she is getting 100% scholarship for her higher studies. Also I was a little sad that I wont be able to do it. I have learnt to accept things as they are. I have learnt not to dream big, but to have faith I'll be self sufficient. 


I think this post is boring wit a lot of "I's , well I needed to talk. So dont you judge me. Work is going ok. Talking to ma pretty often. I really need to get a good phone/mp3 player. Phone is all the more in a screwed up state. Also need earphones. I cut my finger on all three consecutive days. I remembered the boys while cooking. Well 2 of them are coming back this month. Sam maam is getting married, but i doubt I can attend the function. :( Siva's hopefully will make it. And I think I should sleep. I miss being a little girl who had to wake up and walk to school. Who used to get two months of long summer vacations. hmmm...Life goes on... 

Yay!

Yay...!! Finally i'm blogging on my own brand new laptop! Ah this feels so gooood! I can write whenever i feel like. Watch anything i feel like. I know its been a long time..well been busy.Mom was in town. shwe's anniversary celebrations et al...My shaadi talks blah blah.Weekend just flew. Will probably write in detail soon. Tomorrow's work day :(

Rant

I’m not feeling all that great. I don’t wanna fall sick. I had been showing signs of cold since Saturday. Now, kind of feverish too! This is so not cool. And to top it work was kinda hectic and chudail was making my life miserable. Anyways Ira was good to me. She is nice. Interesting life too.

Last weekend again Cambridge plan went down the drain. I still haven’t found another place to stay. I have no back up. Everything seems so bleak. Dint sleep much last night. Woke up early. Whole weekend I was with Prons laptop. And yesterday he single-handedly completed the feat of dinner preparation. He did a good job. Day before Sam did. They are really improving. 2 new guys have come. Dunno how we gonna manage after this. I need to negotiate with nanny. Cant wait for the month to end. To top it all things are getting worse with the currency value dropping for pounds. It couldn’t have been worse! Its Rs.68 now!

Hmm I think I should just go ahead and buy the laptop here. Yea I will end up screwing up my sleep. And some weekends probably. But atleast I can blog whenever I feel like. Chat or talk to people when I want to instead of sulking in the room. And slao I am seriously contemplating about D90. Lets see.

Bout my WP account, the story was reviewed by 4 different people who read different things. Its common result was nice. Nice according to me is not a compliment. Its something someone says just to be “nice” Lol! Anyways A said it was top rate but I could have left out the timestamp and not confused the reader with calling both guys as “He”. Otherwise it was good for a first timer. C and R reviewed almost at the same time. C said the same regarding one of the particular paragraphs where I could clear it out regarding the men. He was ok with the timestamp. He liked the helplessness described. R said it was little mysterious and gives the reader free rein to imagine. (Though she did ask about the bright light) So did S! I had to explain to him that it was because he was the dead Guy.!! :D Anyways he said it had many breaks and missing links.

Well my point was I dint want to write a lengthy story. It had to be short and mysterious. Few things had to left unsaid as it was the readers right to imagine the situation. Also I dint use names because it was His and Her story. (Also I was lazy because I know it would take a long time for me to settle down happily with 3 perfect names. Please don’t ask what are they…Its just that it’s tough to decide certain names that fit the character)

I am not saying its perfect, but I know what people think now, and how they like to modify it. For now it’s alright. I am not gonna edit the post. If the reader has to read twice to understand, so be it :) ! It’s an OK read per my standards. And its pure fiction !  Maybe after a few posts I’ll make it a viewable blog to friends.

Yesterday was planning out rishikesh trip with C. Cant wait to get back and make it happen. Also gotta go Goaaaa!!! Like last time…lets see how it all pans out.

My eyes hurt. Had been reading Chandu’s post. Its kinda cute and refreshing. Bout her and her boy. I dunno how does she manage to have an open blog under her own name and still discuss everything she feels like. Well I haven’t come across where she has cribbed bout people around so I guess that way it is safe. The problem with me is I have an opinion about everything and I definitely cant afford to make this public. I would like to know Pixie too. Wells so far I think I have come close to all posts by Rayshma, Pixie and Chandni aka Chandu.

Oooh I did not mention the highlight of the day. Mon got membership in the Library. I become a total kid-in-a-candy-shop happy when I go to a library. And I already picked 4! I know I am greedy but whatever makes me happy :D I’ve got Echo burning by Lee child, The kite runner by hosseni, me and r.Darcy by someone and another one by Cecelia Ahern of the p.s. I Love You fame.

Friday Yay!!

Well I do have a few things to share….I tried my hand at a paneer dish yesterday. I dint know what to call it until I finished preparing. Finally I named it shaahi paneer :D It turned out well and everyone loved it. I was so happy!! :D

Today I wore my bright pink kurta to office! I was tired of the same old sober colour formals. It’s a little saddening to be looked down upon by other Indian Chicks who are prim and properly dressed in western formals. But who cares. I am happy. And I love to get tongues wagging :p

I am weird in that way.

Anyhoo I dared to go out to the library with Mon without the coat. It was and still is windy. There is an emergency door behind me which has some opening like a tiny gap so we can hear the wind howling and it gets creepy at times. And every time I try to record it on the phone it slows down and stops. It got me bugged. So I stopped.

Here I go , I am digressing again. Well the library is awesome. And the membership is FREE!! This is one thing I love bout this place. Free books and newspapers. And most of the people are found reading on buses and tubes. I can stay here for a long long time if I don’t tire of the books. I feel bad to have wasted three months. I used to pass by this library everyday!! Well I did have other books to read though.

Gossip gal has pinged me. She has gone home back to India still she logs in. Workaholic! Anyways she is bitching bout chudail and I am in no mood right now. Well I spoke to her all is well.

Gotta go. Its Friday and I wanna go home!

Decisions

I fear if I have made the wrong decision. If I should maybe pack my bags and run while I still have the chance. But I don’t wanna chicken out. I am getting aggressive as days go by. And that my friend is not a good sign. As I’ve been told earlier I live on extremes. I don’t know what will happen when I am pushed to the core now.

Gah! I finally got done with the nonsensical thing pending since last night, which I was worrying about unnecessarily. Well I worry constantly don’t I! Well I just don’t want to regret after going back that I lost an opportunity to do right by myself. I just have to keep faith going strong and walk on.

Easing the tension, lets talk about less tense stuff. Like C*s is back. Hope that chudail decides to steam off at his expense. Am I being mean? Hell, who cares! They both deserve each other. (Though I did hear his human side today while he was talking to his kid, it doesn’t count. Well I melt at such stuff…) what else, yes I have started writing again. That helps a lot when I am brooding in the room. The thing is I talk in my head. A lot! So whenever I feel like, I write it out to that person.

Mom is back home after her trip to Rishikesh. And I am so proud of her. She is not all that out going and adventurous but I am glad she went and had a good time. She was out camping in the woods without electricity and she went till level4 of white water rafting!! Aint she cool! And I myself haven’t done that! Tut tut shame on me.

I feel the urge to get a D-90 but I fear I might be splurging unnecessarily. Well it’s not like I am going to make a career out of it. Ummm who knows ;) A girl can dream.

My day to cook so will head home soon. I fear I might develop a sore throat : (

Its all About being Me!

Few secrets bout me no one knows

*I take long time in the rest room. Not that I have a weak bladder or tummy. I dance : ) I don’t have any other place to do it : ) sometimes I just need to reassure myself that I still have got the moves :D

*To contradict the above, I may have a weak bladder, in cold conditions. :-/

*I get really annoyed if things don’t go as I want them to or are not in the place I left them.

*I hate being told what to do unless it’s from someone I respect/admire.

*I despise liars. They lose my respect the minute I catch them though I might never confront them with it.

*I am very neat when I am away from home. But in my own space I can be a mess. :D

*I am always nice to people. Even to people who do not deserve it!

*I talk a lot (inside my head). And almost 90% of the conversation is in English. (Even when it is with God)

*I hate to wait, though it takes very little effort to cajole me as long as you are in my good books.

*I hate being lonely.

*I am a people’s person. Though I profess that I am not! :D

*I get restless if I misplace something and can’t relax until I find it. I just HAVE to find it.

*With me, everything is personal! I might say its ok, smile/laugh it off, but I always take offence (at least 95% of the times).

*I hate perverts and molesters. I have cruel intentions when I think of them.
*When I say “Fine” it never is. I never mean it.

*I do not like being touched by people whom I am not that comfy with. Back off! (And the number of people I’m comfy with is small!)

*I hate secrets hidden from me. (But usually I get my way around)

*I am good at keeping secrets. You can never get it out of me if I have given my word.

*I dislike misuse of English grammar. I am tempted to correct people immediately and it takes all my will power to hold my tongue.

*I hate anyone wasting water. Typical ex: letting the water run all the while when you brush teeth. Come on haven’t u seen that ad in Doordarshan when we were kids!!Where they talk bout putting off lights and how precious the water is!

*I love being surprised in a nice way I mean.

*I don’t like interference while I cook unless I ask your help. But I don’t like you enjoying without a care while I cook either!

*I’ll never ask if I want something. You should understand!

*I hate being told I am wrong.

*I have the ability to keep my calm under the most stressing circumstances and most heated arguments.

* I also have the ability to raise my voice to be heard.

* I live on extremes. Either too calm or too angry : )

*I don’t swear easy unless its with R. (with her I swear for fun )

*I stick to my principles like its some military rule : )

*I might forgive but I never forget. Sometimes I don’t do both.

Hmmm that’s enough to disclose for the time being.